Just a thought
I realised today that it has been so long since I posted in my blog. Not so good. I am such a lazy person, even when it comes to things I enjoy.
Anyhow, now i feel like putting some thoughts on paper, uh, I mean in writing.
Being a bilingual person, actually tri., but that is not the point. The point is Being exposed to more than your own culture. Not just through language, but also living surroundings. I am from one place by nationality, or I was and living in a another. I have learnt and was interested in western culture from an early age. Add to that a natural inclination to question everything I hear. All that always leads to being more open minded and understanding of other people’s feelings, emotions and motives.
I noticed other people who did not and were not under the same influences and I couldn’t help but appreciate the advantages of their situation. They seem quicker at deciding on matters and issues. And when they express their opinions on a subject it is usually direct and precise to their own thoughts.
I find myself in discussions, always try to represent so many ideas rather than just one. So I would go on listing all kinds of different circumstances and points of view and various approaches to the topic. And in many times I don’t put my own conclusion on the topic. Because even for me many things in life seem relevant and it is very rarely that I find an issue that is one directional.
This seems to me to give the other type of people some ease. I do wish sometimes that I don’t have to perpetually thinking about things.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Having a choice...
A few days ago I was watching TV5, for the sake of those who don’t know the channel it is a French International channel, broadcasting worldwide and targeting French speaking people around the word. Anyhow, There was a program I don’t recall the name of now, it was a report type of show, the topic was mainly about Arabic/Muslim women, their rights and their struggle in the Arabic world.
The program, which I missed the beginning of, was reporting from Morocco and Egypt. What I saw was the report about Egyptian women.
The program was not biased, nor racial. This is not the issue. In fact the program was very positive, showing all aspects, with a focus on the negatives in women lives in those countries bu only to demonstrate the effort and the struggle of those women to have better lives.
What really got to me was during the report they showed a Professor type lady giving advice to a young Egyptian student, in what seemed to be like a tutoring session. The girl addressed is from a for a lack of better description, a Muslim Liberal family. What I mean is they believe in education and freedom of choice, this is what you get from the interview with the parents.
The point is while this Professor lady was giving advice she said this to the girl: make sure you put a condition on your husband when you get married to make sure he allows you to work after marriage. When I heard that I was like: what???? Are there still some people with this kind of thinking around.???
I mean excuse me. Forget the idea that our religion advices mutual kindness and love between a married couple, which in my opinion would be completely compromised if you start off the marriage with conditions rather than understanding of each others needs and wants. Forget that such a statement only depicts the conviction that women are subspecies waiting for allowance from the mighty man. Forget all that.
The issue is: aren’t they going to stop limiting women’s struggle for equality to her right to work. Yes a women has the right to choose to work, to choose to study and to choose to marry and who to marry for that matter. The keyword here being “choose”.
Women’s rights are not about work. Women’s rights are about the right to choose. I choose to work, I choose to stay home, I choose to travel the world, its my choice! It is certainly not about me working just to prove to men that I can do what they do. Thank you very much but I don’t need to do that, let’s see them try to prove the opposite?! And I am no lesser person for making a choice that does not please a certain mentality or other.
And for God’s sake stop putting limitations on women. Am I just allowed to have a choice if my choice was to work? Because work is OK and acceptable in your view. Or to study because now the International community enforces the right to study. What about other choices I may want to make? Should I run them through a screening committee to see if they fit with global objectives or through the particular image a certain group of women is trying to convey. This thing or that thing is not the issue, having a choice in life is.
Having a choice is a right, all humans should be fighting for, women included. But remember, having a choice is my God given right, and I am certainly not waiting for any man to give it to me, be it a husband or a lover.
My dear fellow women, forget archaic slogans, forget fake battles of old days. If you believe that you have the power to shape your own life then you will! Keep your spirits high, because real freedom is that of the spirit.
The program, which I missed the beginning of, was reporting from Morocco and Egypt. What I saw was the report about Egyptian women.
The program was not biased, nor racial. This is not the issue. In fact the program was very positive, showing all aspects, with a focus on the negatives in women lives in those countries bu only to demonstrate the effort and the struggle of those women to have better lives.
What really got to me was during the report they showed a Professor type lady giving advice to a young Egyptian student, in what seemed to be like a tutoring session. The girl addressed is from a for a lack of better description, a Muslim Liberal family. What I mean is they believe in education and freedom of choice, this is what you get from the interview with the parents.
The point is while this Professor lady was giving advice she said this to the girl: make sure you put a condition on your husband when you get married to make sure he allows you to work after marriage. When I heard that I was like: what???? Are there still some people with this kind of thinking around.???
I mean excuse me. Forget the idea that our religion advices mutual kindness and love between a married couple, which in my opinion would be completely compromised if you start off the marriage with conditions rather than understanding of each others needs and wants. Forget that such a statement only depicts the conviction that women are subspecies waiting for allowance from the mighty man. Forget all that.
The issue is: aren’t they going to stop limiting women’s struggle for equality to her right to work. Yes a women has the right to choose to work, to choose to study and to choose to marry and who to marry for that matter. The keyword here being “choose”.
Women’s rights are not about work. Women’s rights are about the right to choose. I choose to work, I choose to stay home, I choose to travel the world, its my choice! It is certainly not about me working just to prove to men that I can do what they do. Thank you very much but I don’t need to do that, let’s see them try to prove the opposite?! And I am no lesser person for making a choice that does not please a certain mentality or other.
And for God’s sake stop putting limitations on women. Am I just allowed to have a choice if my choice was to work? Because work is OK and acceptable in your view. Or to study because now the International community enforces the right to study. What about other choices I may want to make? Should I run them through a screening committee to see if they fit with global objectives or through the particular image a certain group of women is trying to convey. This thing or that thing is not the issue, having a choice in life is.
Having a choice is a right, all humans should be fighting for, women included. But remember, having a choice is my God given right, and I am certainly not waiting for any man to give it to me, be it a husband or a lover.
My dear fellow women, forget archaic slogans, forget fake battles of old days. If you believe that you have the power to shape your own life then you will! Keep your spirits high, because real freedom is that of the spirit.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
A beauty thought
Before I begin let me start by saying that I am as beauty obsessed as any other woman in the universe. I love dressing up and love looking pretty. Or am I ?
I was definitely like this, but motherhood changes your attitude. I still like to dress up and take care of my body and face, wear nice cloths and make-up and perfumes, I can write stories of my love for perfumes. But still I am not as obsessed as I used to be. Good for me. Or is it?
I mean look at the world today and you see for yourself what they are expecting women to do. Work, have children, get married, have friends, keep educating yourself, I have to say it again have children, because it certainly is the most demanding job ever. And what is more on top of all that, she has to be slim, active, beautiful, and I mean clear skin, lovely hair, fresh face, no stretch marks, no zits, no frizzy hair. We can’t have women looking like that now can we? Because with all they have to do, how can they go through the day without looking good!!! right. And it is for their own good.
Yes, the world wants us women to look like models, for our own good!!! The question is why isn’t the world expecting the same thing of men. Look closely at men and you will see. They have stretch marks, blackheads, pale skin, frizzy hair, a few extra pounds sometimes forming a lovely wobbly belly, a woman would be declared in need of serious help if she was seen with one. And yet they go around confident, thinking that they are the incarnation of perfection. Well think again!
The world certainly does not expect them to have flawless skin, bright eyes and lustrous waves. The world only expects a certain level of cleanliness from them, other than that they are good. These days one notices a trend towards expecting beauty, if you will in a man, but still the pressure is not the same as on women. And you see men getting away with plenty.
Now for the life of me, I can’t understand this difference. Both sexes are attracted to beauty, both admire a good toned body and if beauty is an indication of health a healthy partner is always better than a sick one, that is if you want to blame the whole thing on the inherent beauty means a better partner to procreate with theory. So why the focus on women, and in particular why should we expect women to be perfect, flawless? Isn’t she human? And we always say I am only human, I am not perfect. Well women are human, or did we come from a far away planet of perfection and we always have to live up to the reputation! Maybe men should a get a reality check and women a bit more tolerant of themselves. I am not saying we should all go around looking like hooligans, but for God’s sake when I am having a bad day don’t judge!
I was definitely like this, but motherhood changes your attitude. I still like to dress up and take care of my body and face, wear nice cloths and make-up and perfumes, I can write stories of my love for perfumes. But still I am not as obsessed as I used to be. Good for me. Or is it?
I mean look at the world today and you see for yourself what they are expecting women to do. Work, have children, get married, have friends, keep educating yourself, I have to say it again have children, because it certainly is the most demanding job ever. And what is more on top of all that, she has to be slim, active, beautiful, and I mean clear skin, lovely hair, fresh face, no stretch marks, no zits, no frizzy hair. We can’t have women looking like that now can we? Because with all they have to do, how can they go through the day without looking good!!! right. And it is for their own good.
Yes, the world wants us women to look like models, for our own good!!! The question is why isn’t the world expecting the same thing of men. Look closely at men and you will see. They have stretch marks, blackheads, pale skin, frizzy hair, a few extra pounds sometimes forming a lovely wobbly belly, a woman would be declared in need of serious help if she was seen with one. And yet they go around confident, thinking that they are the incarnation of perfection. Well think again!
The world certainly does not expect them to have flawless skin, bright eyes and lustrous waves. The world only expects a certain level of cleanliness from them, other than that they are good. These days one notices a trend towards expecting beauty, if you will in a man, but still the pressure is not the same as on women. And you see men getting away with plenty.
Now for the life of me, I can’t understand this difference. Both sexes are attracted to beauty, both admire a good toned body and if beauty is an indication of health a healthy partner is always better than a sick one, that is if you want to blame the whole thing on the inherent beauty means a better partner to procreate with theory. So why the focus on women, and in particular why should we expect women to be perfect, flawless? Isn’t she human? And we always say I am only human, I am not perfect. Well women are human, or did we come from a far away planet of perfection and we always have to live up to the reputation! Maybe men should a get a reality check and women a bit more tolerant of themselves. I am not saying we should all go around looking like hooligans, but for God’s sake when I am having a bad day don’t judge!
A worrying thought
As a mother the world starts taking on a new perspective. It is not about you anymore, the future, the seemingly far away future starts to matter. You start wanting a better world for your children, and even a better future. I am sure that every mother in the world feels the same way.
What is worrying me these days as a muslim mother is another story. I mean you want a good economy, good quality of life, good environment, safety and security for your children. But these days every time I hear the news or read a piece of article in a magazine I worry specifically because I am a muslim.
I certainly want my children to grow up with my believes and be practicing muslims. What I am worried about the growing, on going trend in the western media of criticising Islam. You open a western magazine or newspaper these days and there bound to be an article about an Islamic issue, mostly with a negative, judgemental approach.
And I just wonder and worry, are my children going to grow up in a world where their religion and its followers are being prosecuted. Are they going to be attacked, humiliated because of their religion.
I really can't udnerstand this western trend of attacking Islam and criticising its practicies. The western media shows respect to all other religions and believes, whether God sent or human made. Why then the constant critic and attack on Islam. And if the media is taking this trend what is the feeling of the majjority of the people in the west? Does the media replicate their feelings or is it trying to influence them?
I am not writing this to present any kind of defense for my religion. I think I don't need to. But it is mainly the thought of a mother who wants a good life for her children, who wants a world where humans are judged according to their own conduct, not the color of their skin, or the way they worship, or the place they come from. Do you think the way things are going in our world the future will be anything like that?
There is one thing Islam teaches us, is to treat others the way one likes to be treated. I certainly try my best to adhere to that, I will raise my children according to it, and hope that one day every person will think this way before they act.
What is worrying me these days as a muslim mother is another story. I mean you want a good economy, good quality of life, good environment, safety and security for your children. But these days every time I hear the news or read a piece of article in a magazine I worry specifically because I am a muslim.
I certainly want my children to grow up with my believes and be practicing muslims. What I am worried about the growing, on going trend in the western media of criticising Islam. You open a western magazine or newspaper these days and there bound to be an article about an Islamic issue, mostly with a negative, judgemental approach.
And I just wonder and worry, are my children going to grow up in a world where their religion and its followers are being prosecuted. Are they going to be attacked, humiliated because of their religion.
I really can't udnerstand this western trend of attacking Islam and criticising its practicies. The western media shows respect to all other religions and believes, whether God sent or human made. Why then the constant critic and attack on Islam. And if the media is taking this trend what is the feeling of the majjority of the people in the west? Does the media replicate their feelings or is it trying to influence them?
I am not writing this to present any kind of defense for my religion. I think I don't need to. But it is mainly the thought of a mother who wants a good life for her children, who wants a world where humans are judged according to their own conduct, not the color of their skin, or the way they worship, or the place they come from. Do you think the way things are going in our world the future will be anything like that?
There is one thing Islam teaches us, is to treat others the way one likes to be treated. I certainly try my best to adhere to that, I will raise my children according to it, and hope that one day every person will think this way before they act.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Ramadan & Eid
I am glad Ramadan and Eid are over!!! Oh the shock, how can I say that? Well unfortunately this is how I feel.
You see I am a naturally calm person, who likes quite and solitude. All this makes Ramadan and Eid a very hectic time for me since I got married.
My husbands family have, I suspect like many other families in Saudi Arabia, many breakfast parties during Ramadan. Each one has to invite the others overs for breakfast one day. As for Eid well they usually gather in a seaside cabin that they rent out together. Add to that some members of my husbands family: mother, 2 brothers and a sister live in Riyadh, so they come over here for Ramadan and Eid, and some of them stay with us. So Ramadan is spent catering for all the food needs of the family, socialising with others, both are tasking for me. Eid is spent in the terrible hot weather at the seaside cabin.
So, as far as Ramadan goes, forget the bless of solitude I used to enjoy during the month, before I got married. I used to enjoy the more relaxed atmosphere of Ramadan, less work, night life and such. No more. With all the going outs to family things, and not even having the luxury of a quite home to go, with all the stay-in visitors, Ramadan has become very stressful for me, and it is no longer an enjoyable time of year.
Eid, this year in particular it was terrible. Lucky me I did not get to go to the cabin. Lucky, think again. I fell sick, my two daughters were sick. So we spent Eid going to the hospital and nursing ourselves back to health from a sever cold that I am still recovering from. Makes one appreciate the heat of the cabin!! Heh.
I am certainly not looking forward to another Ramadan like that. I am hoping that by next year things maybe slightly different. One can hope?No?
You see I am a naturally calm person, who likes quite and solitude. All this makes Ramadan and Eid a very hectic time for me since I got married.
My husbands family have, I suspect like many other families in Saudi Arabia, many breakfast parties during Ramadan. Each one has to invite the others overs for breakfast one day. As for Eid well they usually gather in a seaside cabin that they rent out together. Add to that some members of my husbands family: mother, 2 brothers and a sister live in Riyadh, so they come over here for Ramadan and Eid, and some of them stay with us. So Ramadan is spent catering for all the food needs of the family, socialising with others, both are tasking for me. Eid is spent in the terrible hot weather at the seaside cabin.
So, as far as Ramadan goes, forget the bless of solitude I used to enjoy during the month, before I got married. I used to enjoy the more relaxed atmosphere of Ramadan, less work, night life and such. No more. With all the going outs to family things, and not even having the luxury of a quite home to go, with all the stay-in visitors, Ramadan has become very stressful for me, and it is no longer an enjoyable time of year.
Eid, this year in particular it was terrible. Lucky me I did not get to go to the cabin. Lucky, think again. I fell sick, my two daughters were sick. So we spent Eid going to the hospital and nursing ourselves back to health from a sever cold that I am still recovering from. Makes one appreciate the heat of the cabin!! Heh.
I am certainly not looking forward to another Ramadan like that. I am hoping that by next year things maybe slightly different. One can hope?No?
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Life or something like it
This movie title keeps popping in my head all the time. I don't know how famous the movie is I just happen to watch it on TV, so no clue of how big it was. But the title is catchy and the theme of the movie is good. It talks about what gives life value, or what is of real value in world.
This issue is simple I suppose and the answer it would seem should be easy and clear for everyone. But how many of us tend to pursue certain things in our quest of happiness, only to remain eternaly unsatisfied. When I look at how my life has been so far, I could make long lists of things that I would have liked to do. But still I don't allow my self to brood or feel bad about them. I just look at what I have; a loving family, a caring husband and two lovely daughters.
Its been said over and over again that the thing worth cherishing in life is human relations, one's family and friends. It is no secret. But still I look at people around who I love and care about and see how they are so hung up on other things. It hurts to see them like that, because I know as long as they are like this, they will not find peace within shemselves and they will always remain unsatisfied.
Don't get me wrong I am not an idealist, I just simply try to remain focused. Whenever somthing that I don't like happen, I just ask myself is it worth to dwell on the matter? Or should I just move on and enjoy the more valuable gifts I have in my life? Nothing, nothing equals the joy you derive from good moments with a loved one. And nothing should be more intolerable than a bad thing happening to a loved one.
Remaining focused is very important for me. And I think my ability so far to do just that in itself is a blessing.
If you live to see another day, remember your blessings. If you find yourself feeling down, remember your blessings. If you were planining to buy a fancy bag, or a new car, or a flat screen TV and you couldn't, remember your blessings. The laugh of your child, the satisfaction of your mother or father to see you, the kind hand of your partner touching you, the good friend you have or simply yourself; able healthy and whole. If you count your blessings you will be more grateful than upset or disappointed.
Why am I talking about that? Because it hurts to see my loved ones in times of crises seperating, and working against one another instead of together. It hurts to see my loved ones not appreciating the real value of life.
Life or something like it!!! Why opt for something like it, when you can have your life and enjoy it.
This issue is simple I suppose and the answer it would seem should be easy and clear for everyone. But how many of us tend to pursue certain things in our quest of happiness, only to remain eternaly unsatisfied. When I look at how my life has been so far, I could make long lists of things that I would have liked to do. But still I don't allow my self to brood or feel bad about them. I just look at what I have; a loving family, a caring husband and two lovely daughters.
Its been said over and over again that the thing worth cherishing in life is human relations, one's family and friends. It is no secret. But still I look at people around who I love and care about and see how they are so hung up on other things. It hurts to see them like that, because I know as long as they are like this, they will not find peace within shemselves and they will always remain unsatisfied.
Don't get me wrong I am not an idealist, I just simply try to remain focused. Whenever somthing that I don't like happen, I just ask myself is it worth to dwell on the matter? Or should I just move on and enjoy the more valuable gifts I have in my life? Nothing, nothing equals the joy you derive from good moments with a loved one. And nothing should be more intolerable than a bad thing happening to a loved one.
Remaining focused is very important for me. And I think my ability so far to do just that in itself is a blessing.
If you live to see another day, remember your blessings. If you find yourself feeling down, remember your blessings. If you were planining to buy a fancy bag, or a new car, or a flat screen TV and you couldn't, remember your blessings. The laugh of your child, the satisfaction of your mother or father to see you, the kind hand of your partner touching you, the good friend you have or simply yourself; able healthy and whole. If you count your blessings you will be more grateful than upset or disappointed.
Why am I talking about that? Because it hurts to see my loved ones in times of crises seperating, and working against one another instead of together. It hurts to see my loved ones not appreciating the real value of life.
Life or something like it!!! Why opt for something like it, when you can have your life and enjoy it.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
I want to talk about my girls
Yes that is true I want to talk about them, sorry, but it’s why you start a blog, right, to say whatever you want whenever you feel like it.
Lets start at the beginning, oh no, not when I was born, how boring do you think I am? But when my first girl was born.
Three years ago, this coming Sunday. Pregnancy, maternal instinct did not kick in yet. When she was born however, it is a different thing. I was just overwhelmed with feelings. Forget about resting after birth and all that, my husband took care of that part. Me, I just couldn’t sleep. I was so anxious. With all that came this need to protect. Suddenly, I don’t feel whole unless I am attached to a baby. Everything was so strange and scary. Yes there was love, a love that just kept on growing. To be honest you do feel a bit stupid at how much you suddenly love this creature. You know for a person who tries to rationalize everything, that did not make any sense. Should I tell you that after 4 years of marriage, two pregnancies and two children I have stopped trying to make sense of everything!!! Well, that's another story. Moving on...
To around two years from that date I had my second girl. Now first thought was, good I survived this one two, second thought was its just going to be the same story all over again. But you know how things are, don’t you. My girls just decided to make things all the more fun for me by being total opposites to one another. A couple of weeks after the second was born, and I realized it’s not the same story. Everything about her was different. The older she gets the more obvious. So surprise for mummy, most of the techniques I have learnt don’t work. And It was another learning process. Well you can see who’s boss in this family. Love wise, need I say it, my heart bleeds for the sight of them. The funny thing is when you have the second you love the first even more!!! Now explain that.
So what do I do with my days, they are mostly about the girls. If for a couple of hours I manage to find someone to take care of them and I go do my own thing, I just feel lost, silly I know, but what can you do, blame it on motherhood or the sun rising for all that matter. So I am out alone shopping and I hear cries of a child what happens I want to go over there and comfort the little thing. Hello! don’t you have enough of that at home. And yes the smell... do all mothers miss the smell of their children. First thing I want to do when I return is to smell them. God, can you be an addict to your own children. So fellow mothers, did you sniff your children lately?
Lets start at the beginning, oh no, not when I was born, how boring do you think I am? But when my first girl was born.
Three years ago, this coming Sunday. Pregnancy, maternal instinct did not kick in yet. When she was born however, it is a different thing. I was just overwhelmed with feelings. Forget about resting after birth and all that, my husband took care of that part. Me, I just couldn’t sleep. I was so anxious. With all that came this need to protect. Suddenly, I don’t feel whole unless I am attached to a baby. Everything was so strange and scary. Yes there was love, a love that just kept on growing. To be honest you do feel a bit stupid at how much you suddenly love this creature. You know for a person who tries to rationalize everything, that did not make any sense. Should I tell you that after 4 years of marriage, two pregnancies and two children I have stopped trying to make sense of everything!!! Well, that's another story. Moving on...
To around two years from that date I had my second girl. Now first thought was, good I survived this one two, second thought was its just going to be the same story all over again. But you know how things are, don’t you. My girls just decided to make things all the more fun for me by being total opposites to one another. A couple of weeks after the second was born, and I realized it’s not the same story. Everything about her was different. The older she gets the more obvious. So surprise for mummy, most of the techniques I have learnt don’t work. And It was another learning process. Well you can see who’s boss in this family. Love wise, need I say it, my heart bleeds for the sight of them. The funny thing is when you have the second you love the first even more!!! Now explain that.
So what do I do with my days, they are mostly about the girls. If for a couple of hours I manage to find someone to take care of them and I go do my own thing, I just feel lost, silly I know, but what can you do, blame it on motherhood or the sun rising for all that matter. So I am out alone shopping and I hear cries of a child what happens I want to go over there and comfort the little thing. Hello! don’t you have enough of that at home. And yes the smell... do all mothers miss the smell of their children. First thing I want to do when I return is to smell them. God, can you be an addict to your own children. So fellow mothers, did you sniff your children lately?
Thursday, August 17, 2006
I don’t feel like writing...
I am not so much in the mood to do that, but I thought why not try writing when you don’t feel like it and see what comes out. So here I am.
You know what! lets take a look at me. I am 35 years old, why do I always have to start talking about myself this way? I wonder, is it becasue I can’t believe I am that old already? or is it that I am scared that I am this old? I wonder. Any way, I have two lovely daughters, a good husband (as good as it gets! :), what else am I doing, trying to go through a masters degree, and yes trying to keep growing beautiful hair, and while am at it trying to keep my looks, which are not bad, if I can say so myself. Very simple life, right. I think I like it that way, simple means no trouble, good, right.
What do I enjoy; I like reading, shopping, movies and yes coffee. A cup of coffee can sometimes be so (lost for words). I also enjoy fashion and experminting with beauty products. I always find myself thinking how many people around me can look much better that they actually do with the right hair, make up and cloths.
I know three languages: Arabic, English and French, listed in the order I have learnt them in.
What I hate the most, arguments and fights. I have no tolerence for them. If I get into a fight with someone I love its absolute torture for me till we make up. The idea of not speeking or being day in day out angry at someone I love is just awful to me.
Worst trait: I am very indecisive (wait is that a word?) I can’t make up my mind about things, no matter hwo simple. I just have to take ages doing it. Yes or no answers rarely come out of me, usually ther is an elaborate analysis of the pros and cons of any situation instead. That is one of the major reasons why I made sure I marry someone who is a decision maker by nature. Other than that my married life would have been a long comtemplation.
How do I see my future? I realy don’t. I am not the sort to either dwell on the past or sit trying to visualise my future. I have some plans yes, I have some things that I would like to do at certain coming years. But real visuals no I don’t. I just hope nothing bad comes my way.
OK,,, enough about me.
You know what! lets take a look at me. I am 35 years old, why do I always have to start talking about myself this way? I wonder, is it becasue I can’t believe I am that old already? or is it that I am scared that I am this old? I wonder. Any way, I have two lovely daughters, a good husband (as good as it gets! :), what else am I doing, trying to go through a masters degree, and yes trying to keep growing beautiful hair, and while am at it trying to keep my looks, which are not bad, if I can say so myself. Very simple life, right. I think I like it that way, simple means no trouble, good, right.
What do I enjoy; I like reading, shopping, movies and yes coffee. A cup of coffee can sometimes be so (lost for words). I also enjoy fashion and experminting with beauty products. I always find myself thinking how many people around me can look much better that they actually do with the right hair, make up and cloths.
I know three languages: Arabic, English and French, listed in the order I have learnt them in.
What I hate the most, arguments and fights. I have no tolerence for them. If I get into a fight with someone I love its absolute torture for me till we make up. The idea of not speeking or being day in day out angry at someone I love is just awful to me.
Worst trait: I am very indecisive (wait is that a word?) I can’t make up my mind about things, no matter hwo simple. I just have to take ages doing it. Yes or no answers rarely come out of me, usually ther is an elaborate analysis of the pros and cons of any situation instead. That is one of the major reasons why I made sure I marry someone who is a decision maker by nature. Other than that my married life would have been a long comtemplation.
How do I see my future? I realy don’t. I am not the sort to either dwell on the past or sit trying to visualise my future. I have some plans yes, I have some things that I would like to do at certain coming years. But real visuals no I don’t. I just hope nothing bad comes my way.
OK,,, enough about me.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Just when I thought I was out!
I decided yesterday that I am going to stop posting about the horrible events going on in our region. Unfortunately, I decided to check what people on the net are saying about the issue. I came across a couple of comments trying to convince people that the massacre of Qana was all made up. So what can one say about that??
Lets look at the numbers instead of the photos: 60 people killed, 37 of which were children, enough said. No. OK, lets look at what the claims are: they claim that it was only this one child that they kept taking pictures of from different angles. To that I say first look at the numbers no denied them, not even Israel. Second, such a claim does not only assume that people who have just survived the bombs have enough mental focus to plan such a horrid thing, it also expects us to believe that they are cruel enough to do this to the poor did girls body. More so, it implies that all viewers of such photos are idiots because they could not tell that it is the same girl!!!
Well we have seen live coverage of the bodies of many children being laid down on the floor that day, next thing they would claim that those bodies were rag dolls. Well if this is how Israel sees them, it certainly is not how their relatives and loved ones and anyone with a shred of humanity would see them.
And one final note, I bet you anything, if it was one child and only one that was killed in this war, and it was your own, the universe will not be large enough to hold your pain.
Lets look at the numbers instead of the photos: 60 people killed, 37 of which were children, enough said. No. OK, lets look at what the claims are: they claim that it was only this one child that they kept taking pictures of from different angles. To that I say first look at the numbers no denied them, not even Israel. Second, such a claim does not only assume that people who have just survived the bombs have enough mental focus to plan such a horrid thing, it also expects us to believe that they are cruel enough to do this to the poor did girls body. More so, it implies that all viewers of such photos are idiots because they could not tell that it is the same girl!!!
Well we have seen live coverage of the bodies of many children being laid down on the floor that day, next thing they would claim that those bodies were rag dolls. Well if this is how Israel sees them, it certainly is not how their relatives and loved ones and anyone with a shred of humanity would see them.
And one final note, I bet you anything, if it was one child and only one that was killed in this war, and it was your own, the universe will not be large enough to hold your pain.
Friday, August 04, 2006
A mother's peace of mind
I have to daughters, God when I say it like that it sound like a load full. I really look at them with disbelief sometimes, like I can’t believe it. It is a strange feeling, its not that I am not happy with them, on the contrary it is because I am so happy with them. And it is true once you have children things become different, you automatically become more involved in the world around you, you want it better not just for now but for ages to come, simply because someone you love will be living in it after you are gone and you want it a perfect world for them.
With all that is going on in the Middle East, when war hits you in the face, can you help but wonder about the world we live in. A few days ago, after seeing the horrible images of the dead children, I couldn’t help but wonder, did I do the right thing by having children? Are they going to have a good life? How safe are we in this world?
Now I am a religious person, I pray and hope for the best, but doesn’t every mother hope for the best for her children??? My fear is making feel guilty, we are all in God’s hand right. Don’t get me wrong this has not touched my faith. Its just this black shadow over my soul these days. Can you ever forget such images? Can any mother? Do you think the politicians stirring up such horrible events give the slightest care about what mothers feel? Maybe mothers should rule the world, maybe mothers should be the politicians,,, maybe then we will see some peace.
With all that is going on in the Middle East, when war hits you in the face, can you help but wonder about the world we live in. A few days ago, after seeing the horrible images of the dead children, I couldn’t help but wonder, did I do the right thing by having children? Are they going to have a good life? How safe are we in this world?
Now I am a religious person, I pray and hope for the best, but doesn’t every mother hope for the best for her children??? My fear is making feel guilty, we are all in God’s hand right. Don’t get me wrong this has not touched my faith. Its just this black shadow over my soul these days. Can you ever forget such images? Can any mother? Do you think the politicians stirring up such horrible events give the slightest care about what mothers feel? Maybe mothers should rule the world, maybe mothers should be the politicians,,, maybe then we will see some peace.
Monday, July 24, 2006
How can a mother forget who burnt her son’s face?
Unfortunately I saw today a lebanese mother who just lost a husband and her two children were injured in the bombing.
I am from a generation who is sort of detached, not fully, but partially from what is known as the Middle East Crisis. I wonder who came up with this name. That is I assume that I am using the right words in English. My generation did not witness the evacuation of Palestinians from their land in the 1948, I have been told some stories of how things went then but I was never there. When I was a teenager I vaguely remember some attacks of the so called Israelis on Lebanon, the victims of which were mostly Palestinians who escaped their lands under the fire of the Jews years back. Later, after some years there were the attacks of Israelis (Jews) on Southern Lebanon.
Years followed and Peace talks started and the so called peace agreements were signed here and there. And you started to hear the international community talk about forgetting the past and helping generations to come forget all the hostility between the Arabs and the Israelis, mostly expecting Arabs to forgive and forget both their martyrs and their stolen lands.
But come again another aggression. Every where you turn these days you see dead lebanese children, and yet again, the blame is on them for being naughty, right.
I just want to ask do Israelis, Jews or whatever they want to call themselves want the Arabs to forgive and forget? Because they certainly don’t behave like it. It seems that they actually try their best that every generation witnesses some or other disaster caused by them, it’s like they are trying to tell us, we are here to kill you whenever we please. Well, I suppose we should be grateful that they have let us live for this long right!
I am from a generation who is sort of detached, not fully, but partially from what is known as the Middle East Crisis. I wonder who came up with this name. That is I assume that I am using the right words in English. My generation did not witness the evacuation of Palestinians from their land in the 1948, I have been told some stories of how things went then but I was never there. When I was a teenager I vaguely remember some attacks of the so called Israelis on Lebanon, the victims of which were mostly Palestinians who escaped their lands under the fire of the Jews years back. Later, after some years there were the attacks of Israelis (Jews) on Southern Lebanon.
Years followed and Peace talks started and the so called peace agreements were signed here and there. And you started to hear the international community talk about forgetting the past and helping generations to come forget all the hostility between the Arabs and the Israelis, mostly expecting Arabs to forgive and forget both their martyrs and their stolen lands.
But come again another aggression. Every where you turn these days you see dead lebanese children, and yet again, the blame is on them for being naughty, right.
I just want to ask do Israelis, Jews or whatever they want to call themselves want the Arabs to forgive and forget? Because they certainly don’t behave like it. It seems that they actually try their best that every generation witnesses some or other disaster caused by them, it’s like they are trying to tell us, we are here to kill you whenever we please. Well, I suppose we should be grateful that they have let us live for this long right!
Monday, July 17, 2006
Natural Beauty
Its funny how when we are doing all kinds of unnatural things, our main quest is natural.
I am a beauty everything freak, I love to read about how to take care of your skin and hair and how to wear make up, I am always keeping on track of all the latest fashions, I don’t have to follow them I just need to know about them. Anyhow, it occurred to me that through my readings one word shows up a lot “natural”, it seems that we are after naturally looking beautiful hair, and naturally looking beautiful skin and so on and naturally looking beautiful make-up. The irony is what ever process we go through to achieve this naturally looking beautiful whatever is most certainly not a natural one, and most certainly the result is far from natural either, it maybe beautiful but it is most certainly not natural.
This is so ironically true in particular with make-up. Are you trying to tell me that a made up face is as natural as a morning puffy eyes face. A natural looking made- up face would definitely have some concealer to cover dark circles under the eyes, and other spots in the face, it will include some foundation or powder on the face to eliminate shine and unify skin tones on the face, after all that there will be some blush, mascara and at least lip gloss, all this to achieve a natural looking beautiful face. The truth is a natural looking face of a beautiful woman, would generally have some uneven skin tones, some spots and shadows and lashes may not be as long or curly as without the mascara. So are we really after what is natural? I think not. We may wish we were naturally born with glossy lips and twinkly eyes and a dewey complexion, but the truth most if not all are not. Ok maybe we are born with those traits but we certainly don’t keep them beyond the age of 12, when puberty hits all kinds of beauty issues come with it.
Don’t get me wrong I am not against embellishing one’s self, on the contrary I am more than obsessed with my looks always have been and my greatest hobby is to dress up. I am just saying lets be real about it and honest. It is not natural that we seek . It is the ideal image in our heads of what natural beauty should be like that we are after. I just wish people writing for women’s press about those issues would stop with the over use of the natural word. If you want to be natural then stick with the face you wake up with. On the other hand if you like to embellish then the more honest you are about it the more comfortable you are with it.
So if you like your mascara then enjoy it and flaunt it. Natural is overrated anyway...
I am a beauty everything freak, I love to read about how to take care of your skin and hair and how to wear make up, I am always keeping on track of all the latest fashions, I don’t have to follow them I just need to know about them. Anyhow, it occurred to me that through my readings one word shows up a lot “natural”, it seems that we are after naturally looking beautiful hair, and naturally looking beautiful skin and so on and naturally looking beautiful make-up. The irony is what ever process we go through to achieve this naturally looking beautiful whatever is most certainly not a natural one, and most certainly the result is far from natural either, it maybe beautiful but it is most certainly not natural.
This is so ironically true in particular with make-up. Are you trying to tell me that a made up face is as natural as a morning puffy eyes face. A natural looking made- up face would definitely have some concealer to cover dark circles under the eyes, and other spots in the face, it will include some foundation or powder on the face to eliminate shine and unify skin tones on the face, after all that there will be some blush, mascara and at least lip gloss, all this to achieve a natural looking beautiful face. The truth is a natural looking face of a beautiful woman, would generally have some uneven skin tones, some spots and shadows and lashes may not be as long or curly as without the mascara. So are we really after what is natural? I think not. We may wish we were naturally born with glossy lips and twinkly eyes and a dewey complexion, but the truth most if not all are not. Ok maybe we are born with those traits but we certainly don’t keep them beyond the age of 12, when puberty hits all kinds of beauty issues come with it.
Don’t get me wrong I am not against embellishing one’s self, on the contrary I am more than obsessed with my looks always have been and my greatest hobby is to dress up. I am just saying lets be real about it and honest. It is not natural that we seek . It is the ideal image in our heads of what natural beauty should be like that we are after. I just wish people writing for women’s press about those issues would stop with the over use of the natural word. If you want to be natural then stick with the face you wake up with. On the other hand if you like to embellish then the more honest you are about it the more comfortable you are with it.
So if you like your mascara then enjoy it and flaunt it. Natural is overrated anyway...
Friday, July 14, 2006
Trends and what have you?
It seems to me that we live in an era where trends have become essential to people. If you look at people around you fashion and beauty trends are so obvious, if you hear them talking you will be listening to whatever hot issue is going around now.
I returned from vacation to a European country a couple of weeks ago. There I noticed how young girls there are so hooked up on the beauty and fashion trends, they all looked like they are trying to imitate a photograph they have seen in a magazine. I always thought that the european approach to beauty is much simpler that that of country were I live, here people have always been going around with heavy make up and they looked over dressed. Apparently this has become the Trend world wide. The young girls I noticed were school girls who hit the malls right after school and hang around with there friends while their parents got home from work. Anyhow, they were still in their school uniforms, but the hair is all done in the latest fashion, the make up is quite strong with kohl and mascara. Those girls could not have been more than 15 or 16 but they were trying to look 24. Now I understand the teenagers need to attract but it looked like it was too extreme, and mores, it looked like each one was trying to be someone else.
I came back home and viola’, I thought those girls were over made!!! I had another thing coming. Of course girls here go to malls at night which gives them more chance to indulge in make up. The thing though is they were all tanned, and it did not look like a natural one either. I mean we are blessed in this part of the world with a natural tint, so you would think people would be wise enough not to follow the tan trend so religiously, don’t they realise it was intended for those who lack natural color. But helas, every and each girl I saw looked like she was baked in the sun for hours,add to it all this tan looked so fake. I have not seen a girl around here going around with here natural skin color. What happened to individualism and personal character; all soaked up by the influence of media I suppose. It just gets you thinking deeply of how strong a hold does media have over us.
I returned from vacation to a European country a couple of weeks ago. There I noticed how young girls there are so hooked up on the beauty and fashion trends, they all looked like they are trying to imitate a photograph they have seen in a magazine. I always thought that the european approach to beauty is much simpler that that of country were I live, here people have always been going around with heavy make up and they looked over dressed. Apparently this has become the Trend world wide. The young girls I noticed were school girls who hit the malls right after school and hang around with there friends while their parents got home from work. Anyhow, they were still in their school uniforms, but the hair is all done in the latest fashion, the make up is quite strong with kohl and mascara. Those girls could not have been more than 15 or 16 but they were trying to look 24. Now I understand the teenagers need to attract but it looked like it was too extreme, and mores, it looked like each one was trying to be someone else.
I came back home and viola’, I thought those girls were over made!!! I had another thing coming. Of course girls here go to malls at night which gives them more chance to indulge in make up. The thing though is they were all tanned, and it did not look like a natural one either. I mean we are blessed in this part of the world with a natural tint, so you would think people would be wise enough not to follow the tan trend so religiously, don’t they realise it was intended for those who lack natural color. But helas, every and each girl I saw looked like she was baked in the sun for hours,add to it all this tan looked so fake. I have not seen a girl around here going around with here natural skin color. What happened to individualism and personal character; all soaked up by the influence of media I suppose. It just gets you thinking deeply of how strong a hold does media have over us.
Monday, June 05, 2006
I am alive
eeuh, finally, four weeks of hard work, well the hardest since.. well I don't remember since when. I was doing end of semester assignments for my postgraduate course. It is not so difficult but it is quite a commitment. Specially for me. I think I like to hop through things. Well anyway, I got my self studk with this one a couple of years ago, when I was considering leaving my job for the girls. I always wanted a masters degree and thought then that if I don't start now, and then leave my job I will become too lazy and never do it. So here I am in my second year, stuggling, again not because it is so difficult but because I am lousy at time mangement and self control. Here you have it full confession. Oh, my god I do like to go on these days. It probably comes with being a mother. So anyway I am back and expect some new spicy tales.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Independent streak!!!
After I got married, about 4 plus years ago, I discovered that I have that. I always thought of myself as a love searching woman, looking for a reliable man to take over the reigns of my life. Well, I am kind of, but not totally. My marriage made me realise that I cherished my life as a single person more than I thought.
After getting married I spent the first six months in total dissatisfaction, which is totally unlike me. I am usually the look at the bright side kind of person, the tomorrow will bring better things person, but all that was gone when I got married, the problem was at the time I did not know why.
It took me about a year to realise it. I just liked my single life. I was working, becoming more and more independent, meeting new people and experiencing new things all the time. I would read when I wanted to, watch TV as I wanted, go out when I feel like it, veg in when I feel like it. And all of a sudden things changed. There was another person that I needed to consider with every step I make. And I discovered that I was very reluctant to let go of the controls.
This particular issue was what surprised me the most. I mean, I lived in a house which was female dominated mostly, and I did not like it. As children we would’ve wanted a more involved father a more in charge one. So here I was with my man of choice who is assuming his responsibilities and I was unsatisfied. Well, if I was a man I would say women are weird and shrug my shoulders. but being the woman that I am, I had to dig deep and try to understand myself better.
I did not get married early I was thirty when I did. So I had grown into an independent woman who enjoys her single life. What is more important, I had strict parents when I was growing up so my independence came late, after 25 and it was hard earned. So it made me sad to have to give up all that. Plus the loner thing comes from coming from a family where there is a large age gap between the children so I never had to share anything with anyone.
Well it is 4 years now, and all that has changed, I developed a more relaxed attitude to most things. And with two girls to take care of that is all the responsibility I can handle, I mean its a survival matter now !!!. and besides my husband handles things well and I always have the option. So I am back to my satisfied and content self.
After getting married I spent the first six months in total dissatisfaction, which is totally unlike me. I am usually the look at the bright side kind of person, the tomorrow will bring better things person, but all that was gone when I got married, the problem was at the time I did not know why.
It took me about a year to realise it. I just liked my single life. I was working, becoming more and more independent, meeting new people and experiencing new things all the time. I would read when I wanted to, watch TV as I wanted, go out when I feel like it, veg in when I feel like it. And all of a sudden things changed. There was another person that I needed to consider with every step I make. And I discovered that I was very reluctant to let go of the controls.
This particular issue was what surprised me the most. I mean, I lived in a house which was female dominated mostly, and I did not like it. As children we would’ve wanted a more involved father a more in charge one. So here I was with my man of choice who is assuming his responsibilities and I was unsatisfied. Well, if I was a man I would say women are weird and shrug my shoulders. but being the woman that I am, I had to dig deep and try to understand myself better.
I did not get married early I was thirty when I did. So I had grown into an independent woman who enjoys her single life. What is more important, I had strict parents when I was growing up so my independence came late, after 25 and it was hard earned. So it made me sad to have to give up all that. Plus the loner thing comes from coming from a family where there is a large age gap between the children so I never had to share anything with anyone.
Well it is 4 years now, and all that has changed, I developed a more relaxed attitude to most things. And with two girls to take care of that is all the responsibility I can handle, I mean its a survival matter now !!!. and besides my husband handles things well and I always have the option. So I am back to my satisfied and content self.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Prince Charming or a frog,,, the influence of time
OK, wait this not about marrying a hotty, just to see him turn into an old man with age. I can’t be that cruel. Besides age happens to all of us and I am merely one of the mortals, who if you read previous posts is starting to have to deal with aging, hair graying and all. Anyhow, lets get to what it’s about.
The idea about this post came to me a couple of months ago, while I was doing my placement (see previous post). During that work I met some very nice ladies who worked at the college library, they were all thirty something women. One day we were having lunch together at the college cafeteria, around the table there was me, two married and pregnant ladies, one divorced and soon to be married again lady, so in total -including me- 3 married. While we were eating another lady stopped to exchange a comment with one of the library ladies. The short discussion was about men and marriage. There was a subtle complaint from the passing lady, and finally she dropped a harsh comment about men and left.
Now the ladies started the marriage and men talk. The were not complaining, they were not attacking men, there comments were kind of strange to me and something I have not expected. Now they all seem to be happily married, or about to be happily married. The discussion went on about the pros and cons of marriage, the good and evil in men and what makes a good marriage. Now here where I was surprised. One said that a woman in a marriage should make it work and never leave her husband unless he suffered from some serious problem, giving examples of the man being an addict to something, drug or alcohol. The more surprising comment came when another set a criteria to evaluate a man and a marriage saying that if you look at your man critically and find that his positive points equal his negative points then the result is he is good; and she applied the same criteria for marriage. So (good=bad)=good, weird formula to me!!! But it got me wondering what did these ladies think when they were teenagers, or 10 years ago. Because they all seemed to agree on the same concept.
I don’t know about you but that formula sounded a bit depressing to me. What happened to the gallant and chivalrous image of a man? What happened to the dream of a “they lived happily ever after”? Is this sensible thinking that comes with the wisdom of age? Or is it the resignation of women who saw and knew better and are just trying to make it work. But then again, I can’t help thinking why try to make it work if it is not working for you?
The idea about this post came to me a couple of months ago, while I was doing my placement (see previous post). During that work I met some very nice ladies who worked at the college library, they were all thirty something women. One day we were having lunch together at the college cafeteria, around the table there was me, two married and pregnant ladies, one divorced and soon to be married again lady, so in total -including me- 3 married. While we were eating another lady stopped to exchange a comment with one of the library ladies. The short discussion was about men and marriage. There was a subtle complaint from the passing lady, and finally she dropped a harsh comment about men and left.
Now the ladies started the marriage and men talk. The were not complaining, they were not attacking men, there comments were kind of strange to me and something I have not expected. Now they all seem to be happily married, or about to be happily married. The discussion went on about the pros and cons of marriage, the good and evil in men and what makes a good marriage. Now here where I was surprised. One said that a woman in a marriage should make it work and never leave her husband unless he suffered from some serious problem, giving examples of the man being an addict to something, drug or alcohol. The more surprising comment came when another set a criteria to evaluate a man and a marriage saying that if you look at your man critically and find that his positive points equal his negative points then the result is he is good; and she applied the same criteria for marriage. So (good=bad)=good, weird formula to me!!! But it got me wondering what did these ladies think when they were teenagers, or 10 years ago. Because they all seemed to agree on the same concept.
I don’t know about you but that formula sounded a bit depressing to me. What happened to the gallant and chivalrous image of a man? What happened to the dream of a “they lived happily ever after”? Is this sensible thinking that comes with the wisdom of age? Or is it the resignation of women who saw and knew better and are just trying to make it work. But then again, I can’t help thinking why try to make it work if it is not working for you?
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Spiritual Experience
Spiritual Experience.
As you might know the people who live in this part of the world are, the majority that is, muslims. And I am one of them. I am not an extremist, but I do practice my religion.
In Saudi Arabia there are two holy places for muslims, Makkah and Madinah. I have been to Makkah, where we do Omra every year, but I have never been to Madina till last week. Madina is where the Prophet lived and died and he is buried there. Going to Madina is usually called the “visit” it is like you are visiting the Prophet.
So I was very exited we went with my husbands family and stayed at a large suite in a hotel overlooking the Prophets mosque, it was so nice and spiritual I was crying every time I prayed. And now I can’t wait to visit again. The area was calm, serene and it felt out of this world; like you have to worry about nothing there. I totally loved it.
When you are in a place like that you think about the blessings you have and you find yourself focusing on the real value of life, and my love for my family, my children and my husband grew even more.
I just wonder these days if you are religious, of any religion, you seem to have to defend yourself, how did we get to that, if being a believer is making me feel so good, why should I always find myself in a position to have to defend myself and my beliefs, and I just wanted to say to all believers of all religions, enjoy!...
As you might know the people who live in this part of the world are, the majority that is, muslims. And I am one of them. I am not an extremist, but I do practice my religion.
In Saudi Arabia there are two holy places for muslims, Makkah and Madinah. I have been to Makkah, where we do Omra every year, but I have never been to Madina till last week. Madina is where the Prophet lived and died and he is buried there. Going to Madina is usually called the “visit” it is like you are visiting the Prophet.
So I was very exited we went with my husbands family and stayed at a large suite in a hotel overlooking the Prophets mosque, it was so nice and spiritual I was crying every time I prayed. And now I can’t wait to visit again. The area was calm, serene and it felt out of this world; like you have to worry about nothing there. I totally loved it.
When you are in a place like that you think about the blessings you have and you find yourself focusing on the real value of life, and my love for my family, my children and my husband grew even more.
I just wonder these days if you are religious, of any religion, you seem to have to defend yourself, how did we get to that, if being a believer is making me feel so good, why should I always find myself in a position to have to defend myself and my beliefs, and I just wanted to say to all believers of all religions, enjoy!...
Placement
I have no idea what I am going to say. I just feel kind of repressed and want to let go....
OK, does not sound good, let us give it another try.
I want to write about world peace. Ha ha very funny. OK not really funny either.
OK serious now, why not talk about my recent work experience. I needed to do a fieldwork placement for my postgraduate studies course in Information and Library Studies. You only need to do this placement if you don;t have a work experience in the field, and since I did as far as the University is concerned I did not have to. However, I felt that my experience could be slightly limited and decided to take on a placement. I contacted this young college at Jeddah, a ladies only college, things here are separated, there are 2 of everything male-only colleges and female only colleges, male-only banks and female only banks and so on. Back to the point. I particularly felt that my experience was lacking in a sort of conventional library setting so I arranged for this placement.
How did the experience go. As a mother of two I had to make lots of arrangements. I shifted our daily meals schedule, I arranged for my mom to stay with the girls in the morning when I am working. Plus I needed to sacrifice my comfort and the little rest I was getting to do this. Anyhow, I started very exited about it. but unfortunately I was not met with equal enthusiasm, though they seemed very helpful and nice they were scared to give me anything to do, they don’t want me touching the database for instance, I guess they are not used to people wanting to work for free; kind of a strange idea in this culture.
Now what was I saying. I even have no idea when did I start writing this. Not so good I suppose. Well lets see by now I have actually finished the placement and I would say I am 85% satisfied with the outcome. I did experience a more traditional library setting than where I previously worked and I was exposed to all the regularly routine work. I also met some very nice people, the ladies who worked there were extremely kind and nice. If they are a good example of librarians in this country it is excellent.
On another point, my mother who was taking care of the girls in my absence seemed extremely fed up at the end. My husband did not like the schedule and could not quite understand why I am doing this. As for me I did miss the girls so much while I was there, I guess I am like my sister puts it: “Such a mother”...
OK, does not sound good, let us give it another try.
I want to write about world peace. Ha ha very funny. OK not really funny either.
OK serious now, why not talk about my recent work experience. I needed to do a fieldwork placement for my postgraduate studies course in Information and Library Studies. You only need to do this placement if you don;t have a work experience in the field, and since I did as far as the University is concerned I did not have to. However, I felt that my experience could be slightly limited and decided to take on a placement. I contacted this young college at Jeddah, a ladies only college, things here are separated, there are 2 of everything male-only colleges and female only colleges, male-only banks and female only banks and so on. Back to the point. I particularly felt that my experience was lacking in a sort of conventional library setting so I arranged for this placement.
How did the experience go. As a mother of two I had to make lots of arrangements. I shifted our daily meals schedule, I arranged for my mom to stay with the girls in the morning when I am working. Plus I needed to sacrifice my comfort and the little rest I was getting to do this. Anyhow, I started very exited about it. but unfortunately I was not met with equal enthusiasm, though they seemed very helpful and nice they were scared to give me anything to do, they don’t want me touching the database for instance, I guess they are not used to people wanting to work for free; kind of a strange idea in this culture.
Now what was I saying. I even have no idea when did I start writing this. Not so good I suppose. Well lets see by now I have actually finished the placement and I would say I am 85% satisfied with the outcome. I did experience a more traditional library setting than where I previously worked and I was exposed to all the regularly routine work. I also met some very nice people, the ladies who worked there were extremely kind and nice. If they are a good example of librarians in this country it is excellent.
On another point, my mother who was taking care of the girls in my absence seemed extremely fed up at the end. My husband did not like the schedule and could not quite understand why I am doing this. As for me I did miss the girls so much while I was there, I guess I am like my sister puts it: “Such a mother”...
Monday, February 13, 2006
Princess Leia
The thing is in my hair and I look like princess Leia
OK, once upon a time a had very nice hair color.... wait lets not get into this again. I felt I needed to color my hair. So I thought why not go lighter. So I bought this magic potion that supposedly would turn my dark brown hair into a light brown in one step. So here I ma at home having bought two boxes of the magical color, got rid of the babies (sent them to my mother’s home) and all alone at mine I started the process of coloring.
Now because I have long hair and very thick one at that I spent hours contemplating the process. It seemed to me that the simple apply to roots first technique and then length and mix is not enough. Oh wait this magic potion had a different technique, you are supposed to apply to the length first , wait 10 minutes and then apply to roots. wait a further 20 minutes and then rinse. So I decided to follow this only I thought I needed to divide my hair to 6 sections before application, and so I did. I laid plastic bags on the floor, got all my gear together, divided my hair, and taking each section alone I started the application. Now you can imagine how the above process was very time consuming and tiring, as I had to basically apply color twice to the same section. After I was done I grouped my hair in two sections rolled up above my ears- that is where princess Leia comes in.
After that, pretending to be calm and collected I sat at my laptop, trying to study. After the time was done, I thought it passed quickly, so I decided to wait 10 extra minutes. I mean what harm can this do. People always say that on dark hair color usually needs more time. After the extra 10 minutes, I went to rinse my hair. To my surprise I noticed that my roots turned coppery, but I remained calm, thinking once I rinse the whole thing is going to come together nicely. Well guess what? it didn’t. My roots where coppery and the rest of my hair medium brown at best. So with a long face i dressed up and went to get the girls. Now no one said anything mean but I did. I told them it looks terrible.
So next day, unable to wait any longer I just got any box that I had, thanking God that being obsessed about things is sometimes useful, how else would I have all those boxes of different hair color available. So I got one, chestnut brown, now I have to admit it was not the ideal shade to fix the problem totally but at least it will dye the coppery roots, hopefully, and it was the holiday no one is open, so it had to do. So I left the girls with their father for 15 minutes and applied the color to roots only. Waited the advised time and then rinsed. While waiting I got so freaked out, as it started stinging and I had those images of my hair falling down. But none of that, it was fine, the color is a bit too red for my taste but it will have to do for now.
Two weeks later I applied a semi-permanent light brown color over it hoping to tone it down, it worked slightly.
Now 4 weeks later, I got a medium natural brown and applied it. And yes it feels like me again. Two things I learned: first I really prefer my dark locks and second you seriously have to listen to manufacturer and not people when it comes to application, one more thing the princess Leia technique is not necessary. So now I will do nothing for at least 5 weeks, if I felt like I need to recolor will remain within the same level. 5 is my color.
OK, once upon a time a had very nice hair color.... wait lets not get into this again. I felt I needed to color my hair. So I thought why not go lighter. So I bought this magic potion that supposedly would turn my dark brown hair into a light brown in one step. So here I ma at home having bought two boxes of the magical color, got rid of the babies (sent them to my mother’s home) and all alone at mine I started the process of coloring.
Now because I have long hair and very thick one at that I spent hours contemplating the process. It seemed to me that the simple apply to roots first technique and then length and mix is not enough. Oh wait this magic potion had a different technique, you are supposed to apply to the length first , wait 10 minutes and then apply to roots. wait a further 20 minutes and then rinse. So I decided to follow this only I thought I needed to divide my hair to 6 sections before application, and so I did. I laid plastic bags on the floor, got all my gear together, divided my hair, and taking each section alone I started the application. Now you can imagine how the above process was very time consuming and tiring, as I had to basically apply color twice to the same section. After I was done I grouped my hair in two sections rolled up above my ears- that is where princess Leia comes in.
After that, pretending to be calm and collected I sat at my laptop, trying to study. After the time was done, I thought it passed quickly, so I decided to wait 10 extra minutes. I mean what harm can this do. People always say that on dark hair color usually needs more time. After the extra 10 minutes, I went to rinse my hair. To my surprise I noticed that my roots turned coppery, but I remained calm, thinking once I rinse the whole thing is going to come together nicely. Well guess what? it didn’t. My roots where coppery and the rest of my hair medium brown at best. So with a long face i dressed up and went to get the girls. Now no one said anything mean but I did. I told them it looks terrible.
So next day, unable to wait any longer I just got any box that I had, thanking God that being obsessed about things is sometimes useful, how else would I have all those boxes of different hair color available. So I got one, chestnut brown, now I have to admit it was not the ideal shade to fix the problem totally but at least it will dye the coppery roots, hopefully, and it was the holiday no one is open, so it had to do. So I left the girls with their father for 15 minutes and applied the color to roots only. Waited the advised time and then rinsed. While waiting I got so freaked out, as it started stinging and I had those images of my hair falling down. But none of that, it was fine, the color is a bit too red for my taste but it will have to do for now.
Two weeks later I applied a semi-permanent light brown color over it hoping to tone it down, it worked slightly.
Now 4 weeks later, I got a medium natural brown and applied it. And yes it feels like me again. Two things I learned: first I really prefer my dark locks and second you seriously have to listen to manufacturer and not people when it comes to application, one more thing the princess Leia technique is not necessary. So now I will do nothing for at least 5 weeks, if I felt like I need to recolor will remain within the same level. 5 is my color.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Once Skin Now Hair...
Once skin now hair...
Let me first say this. I have become obsessed with hair coloring. I was before obsessed with skin care products, now it is hair products.
I have to admit that when it came to skin products I have almost tried every brand available at some point. I used to sit and make lists of future purchases of such products. This started in my teenage years when I had acne problems and was triggered to find solutions, and when I got rid of that problem I focused on maintenance and proper care for my then oily skin. As I grew older and my skin stabilized its needs changed. But to my relief (as I started getting worried that I will not be able to find an excuse to experiment with products any more) my skin turned out to be highly responsive to the environment, so I ended up using a routine for summer days and another for winter. Not to mention some other miscellaneous items that I bought because I just simply liked one thing or the other about them.
OK this was my skin history, now when it came to my hair it was a different story. I was very conservative, and my motto was “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” and as I mentioned before I had for the most part had long abundant hair with nice natural waves, nice color and I couldn’t be happier with it. My hair care routine was very basic, and hair care products were very minimal. Now it is a whole new story. Just last week I spent a fortune in the drugstore buying hair care products; three different types of shampoos (same brand but different function) with their respective conditioners or intensive treatments, my favorite anti-frizz serum, one extra intensive treatment pack, two different brands of hair color (I have to buy two boxes of each for my long hair) and one leave in conditioner.
I did however buy some skin care products, obsessing about my hair does not mean neglecting my skin, you know!! But when it comes to skin care now I just buy exactly what I need for now, no storage for future use. But hair color, I have now 8 boxes of hair color, different brands and different colors; I am now not even sure that I will end up using all of them. I discovered it is not that easy to change hair color without professional help and I don’t mean psychiatric!!! funny people....
Let me first say this. I have become obsessed with hair coloring. I was before obsessed with skin care products, now it is hair products.
I have to admit that when it came to skin products I have almost tried every brand available at some point. I used to sit and make lists of future purchases of such products. This started in my teenage years when I had acne problems and was triggered to find solutions, and when I got rid of that problem I focused on maintenance and proper care for my then oily skin. As I grew older and my skin stabilized its needs changed. But to my relief (as I started getting worried that I will not be able to find an excuse to experiment with products any more) my skin turned out to be highly responsive to the environment, so I ended up using a routine for summer days and another for winter. Not to mention some other miscellaneous items that I bought because I just simply liked one thing or the other about them.
OK this was my skin history, now when it came to my hair it was a different story. I was very conservative, and my motto was “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” and as I mentioned before I had for the most part had long abundant hair with nice natural waves, nice color and I couldn’t be happier with it. My hair care routine was very basic, and hair care products were very minimal. Now it is a whole new story. Just last week I spent a fortune in the drugstore buying hair care products; three different types of shampoos (same brand but different function) with their respective conditioners or intensive treatments, my favorite anti-frizz serum, one extra intensive treatment pack, two different brands of hair color (I have to buy two boxes of each for my long hair) and one leave in conditioner.
I did however buy some skin care products, obsessing about my hair does not mean neglecting my skin, you know!! But when it comes to skin care now I just buy exactly what I need for now, no storage for future use. But hair color, I have now 8 boxes of hair color, different brands and different colors; I am now not even sure that I will end up using all of them. I discovered it is not that easy to change hair color without professional help and I don’t mean psychiatric!!! funny people....
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Motherhood Bliss
Motherhood, what you hear, imagine, and the real thing...
Personally I was never one of those people who said that one of their life’s goals is to have children. Through all the stages in my life it was not one. I have friends who badly wanted children at the early age of 18; they were badly wanting children and dreaming of the day when this becomes real, and they can see their off springs run around. I was never like that, never. Don’t misunderstand me I did love children and still do. At a certain period of my life I considered becoming a kindergarten teacher, because I loved being around children so much. But having my own, sorry but I have never fantasized about that.
Nonetheless, here I am with baby girls, devoted the greatest part of my days to the service and maintenance of their lives. Do I enjoy being with my children? yes I do. Do I think it’s a life requirement? No I don’t. Or at least I think I don’t. You know with the year 2006 I am going to be 35 and that makes one start to wonder, but that is another issue.
When I had my first baby 2 and 4 months ago, a friend of mine asked how I felt about and I said “stupid”. If motherhood makes you feel anything, it is stupid. Here you are a reasonable adult, who spends life thinking what is fair to me and others, deciding who to love, who to take as friends and who to eliminate from your life based on their merits. Find yourself completely and utterly in love with this little creature that you brought in the world, who is unaware of anything most of all your love for it. Now how reasonable is that?!!!
I really hate the mythical approach people have to motherhood and parenthood and all that. The truth is we have no say in the matter. You have a child, if your normal, you love it unquestionably and totally. Is it roses and flowers and a wonderful dream, most certainly not? Its a nightmare. By day, you are running around catering for their needs (which is not such a bad way to spend your days, really), by night you are sleepless worried about them. What is so wonderful about that?!
I will tell you what. Its the smile. When you see their smiles and hear their laughter its then that the nightmare becomes the most wonderful of dreams.
So if someone asks would you recommend it. I would say who I am to recommend anything? But as experiences go its not a bad one at all. And I will tell you something, from all the jobs I had it is the one job that never felt insignificant nor hypocritical at any point.
Personally I was never one of those people who said that one of their life’s goals is to have children. Through all the stages in my life it was not one. I have friends who badly wanted children at the early age of 18; they were badly wanting children and dreaming of the day when this becomes real, and they can see their off springs run around. I was never like that, never. Don’t misunderstand me I did love children and still do. At a certain period of my life I considered becoming a kindergarten teacher, because I loved being around children so much. But having my own, sorry but I have never fantasized about that.
Nonetheless, here I am with baby girls, devoted the greatest part of my days to the service and maintenance of their lives. Do I enjoy being with my children? yes I do. Do I think it’s a life requirement? No I don’t. Or at least I think I don’t. You know with the year 2006 I am going to be 35 and that makes one start to wonder, but that is another issue.
When I had my first baby 2 and 4 months ago, a friend of mine asked how I felt about and I said “stupid”. If motherhood makes you feel anything, it is stupid. Here you are a reasonable adult, who spends life thinking what is fair to me and others, deciding who to love, who to take as friends and who to eliminate from your life based on their merits. Find yourself completely and utterly in love with this little creature that you brought in the world, who is unaware of anything most of all your love for it. Now how reasonable is that?!!!
I really hate the mythical approach people have to motherhood and parenthood and all that. The truth is we have no say in the matter. You have a child, if your normal, you love it unquestionably and totally. Is it roses and flowers and a wonderful dream, most certainly not? Its a nightmare. By day, you are running around catering for their needs (which is not such a bad way to spend your days, really), by night you are sleepless worried about them. What is so wonderful about that?!
I will tell you what. Its the smile. When you see their smiles and hear their laughter its then that the nightmare becomes the most wonderful of dreams.
So if someone asks would you recommend it. I would say who I am to recommend anything? But as experiences go its not a bad one at all. And I will tell you something, from all the jobs I had it is the one job that never felt insignificant nor hypocritical at any point.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Procrastination!!! To do or not to do??
Long live procrastination!!!
I don’t know if this is a family disease or a result of being raised by a to do it now mother. But my sister and I seem to be from those people who’s brain only function when it absolutely has to. She is an undergraduate student and I am a postgraduate student, with a fourteen years age difference and still our approach to studying, and all must do things are nearly the same. We only get to them when there is no other choice except failing or losing and such.
So I am doing this distance learning course, which I committed my self to before quitting my job. Because I know me, I could become too adapt at staying home and doing nothing and then wake up one day and regret it. So I registered and started on the course before leaving my job. I do enjoy it and think it was good thinking on my part to do that. But when it comes to the assignments I am just such a bad person.
I am on my third semester now, and for all last three, at the beginning I sit down with my computer and plan carefully the topic around the semester, marking everything on my calendar, This semester was no exception. After being stuck writing a 2000 word report in four days last semester, I decided that this one will be different, the stress with two babies to care for was too much. So there I sat again with my laptop scheduling last September. Only to find myself a month after doing the same thing all over again. You see, the Uni had problems with their VC at the start of the semester, by the time they fixed my husband’s family started arriving (they live in another city) for Ramadan and Eid. And here you go 4 weeks went by being busy with all those family events.
With people like me, procrastinators that is, everything can set us off track, and we do tend to take extra long to get back on it. I have noticed this pattern with me, with my sister and with a friend.
Now I don’t know if someone out there has actually studied patterns of behavior associated with people like us, if so please help!!! if not please do!!! Any therapist or a psychiatrist please help!!!
As for me, well I am trying to work on it. I can see some improvement but not much. The thought of me slaving for endless hours one day to catch on what I have to do is a thought I keep running in my mind to try and motivate me. So from now on: Down with procrastination!!!
I don’t know if this is a family disease or a result of being raised by a to do it now mother. But my sister and I seem to be from those people who’s brain only function when it absolutely has to. She is an undergraduate student and I am a postgraduate student, with a fourteen years age difference and still our approach to studying, and all must do things are nearly the same. We only get to them when there is no other choice except failing or losing and such.
So I am doing this distance learning course, which I committed my self to before quitting my job. Because I know me, I could become too adapt at staying home and doing nothing and then wake up one day and regret it. So I registered and started on the course before leaving my job. I do enjoy it and think it was good thinking on my part to do that. But when it comes to the assignments I am just such a bad person.
I am on my third semester now, and for all last three, at the beginning I sit down with my computer and plan carefully the topic around the semester, marking everything on my calendar, This semester was no exception. After being stuck writing a 2000 word report in four days last semester, I decided that this one will be different, the stress with two babies to care for was too much. So there I sat again with my laptop scheduling last September. Only to find myself a month after doing the same thing all over again. You see, the Uni had problems with their VC at the start of the semester, by the time they fixed my husband’s family started arriving (they live in another city) for Ramadan and Eid. And here you go 4 weeks went by being busy with all those family events.
With people like me, procrastinators that is, everything can set us off track, and we do tend to take extra long to get back on it. I have noticed this pattern with me, with my sister and with a friend.
Now I don’t know if someone out there has actually studied patterns of behavior associated with people like us, if so please help!!! if not please do!!! Any therapist or a psychiatrist please help!!!
As for me, well I am trying to work on it. I can see some improvement but not much. The thought of me slaving for endless hours one day to catch on what I have to do is a thought I keep running in my mind to try and motivate me. So from now on: Down with procrastination!!!
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