After I got married, about 4 plus years ago, I discovered that I have that. I always thought of myself as a love searching woman, looking for a reliable man to take over the reigns of my life. Well, I am kind of, but not totally. My marriage made me realise that I cherished my life as a single person more than I thought.
After getting married I spent the first six months in total dissatisfaction, which is totally unlike me. I am usually the look at the bright side kind of person, the tomorrow will bring better things person, but all that was gone when I got married, the problem was at the time I did not know why.
It took me about a year to realise it. I just liked my single life. I was working, becoming more and more independent, meeting new people and experiencing new things all the time. I would read when I wanted to, watch TV as I wanted, go out when I feel like it, veg in when I feel like it. And all of a sudden things changed. There was another person that I needed to consider with every step I make. And I discovered that I was very reluctant to let go of the controls.
This particular issue was what surprised me the most. I mean, I lived in a house which was female dominated mostly, and I did not like it. As children we would’ve wanted a more involved father a more in charge one. So here I was with my man of choice who is assuming his responsibilities and I was unsatisfied. Well, if I was a man I would say women are weird and shrug my shoulders. but being the woman that I am, I had to dig deep and try to understand myself better.
I did not get married early I was thirty when I did. So I had grown into an independent woman who enjoys her single life. What is more important, I had strict parents when I was growing up so my independence came late, after 25 and it was hard earned. So it made me sad to have to give up all that. Plus the loner thing comes from coming from a family where there is a large age gap between the children so I never had to share anything with anyone.
Well it is 4 years now, and all that has changed, I developed a more relaxed attitude to most things. And with two girls to take care of that is all the responsibility I can handle, I mean its a survival matter now !!!. and besides my husband handles things well and I always have the option. So I am back to my satisfied and content self.
1 comment:
I was glad when I read in the end of your post that you have remained married and now are blessed with two children =) (i hope im right!)
Your story is not that different to many of us in Saudi. We get a brief taste of independence before we are committed yet again by someone else. Some even NEVER get to experience that as they get married too early.
Many of the women I know who - unfortunately - did not last in their marriages stated that they felt that their life was stolen away from them. All they wanted was a chance to build their characters and grow their personalities independently. I am happy that were able to overcome that hurdle =) Good luck!
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