Having a choice...

A few days ago I was watching TV5, for the sake of those who don’t know the channel it is a French International channel, broadcasting worldwide and targeting French speaking people around the word. Anyhow, There was a program I don’t recall the name of now, it was a report type of show, the topic was mainly about Arabic/Muslim women, their rights and their struggle in the Arabic world.

The program, which I missed the beginning of, was reporting from Morocco and Egypt. What I saw was the report about Egyptian women.
The program was not biased, nor racial. This is not the issue. In fact the program was very positive, showing all aspects, with a focus on the negatives in women lives in those countries bu only to demonstrate the effort and the struggle of those women to have better lives.

What really got to me was during the report they showed a Professor type lady giving advice to a young Egyptian student, in what seemed to be like a tutoring session. The girl addressed is from a for a lack of better description, a Muslim Liberal family. What I mean is they believe in education and freedom of choice, this is what you get from the interview with the parents.

The point is while this Professor lady was giving advice she said this to the girl: make sure you put a condition on your husband when you get married to make sure he allows you to work after marriage. When I heard that I was like: what???? Are there still some people with this kind of thinking around.???

I mean excuse me. Forget the idea that our religion advices mutual kindness and love between a married couple, which in my opinion would be completely compromised if you start off the marriage with conditions rather than understanding of each others needs and wants. Forget that such a statement only depicts the conviction that women are subspecies waiting for allowance from the mighty man. Forget all that.

The issue is: aren’t they going to stop limiting women’s struggle for equality to her right to work. Yes a women has the right to choose to work, to choose to study and to choose to marry and who to marry for that matter. The keyword here being “choose”.

Women’s rights are not about work. Women’s rights are about the right to choose. I choose to work, I choose to stay home, I choose to travel the world, its my choice! It is certainly not about me working just to prove to men that I can do what they do. Thank you very much but I don’t need to do that, let’s see them try to prove the opposite?! And I am no lesser person for making a choice that does not please a certain mentality or other.

And for God’s sake stop putting limitations on women. Am I just allowed to have a choice if my choice was to work? Because work is OK and acceptable in your view. Or to study because now the International community enforces the right to study. What about other choices I may want to make? Should I run them through a screening committee to see if they fit with global objectives or through the particular image a certain group of women is trying to convey. This thing or that thing is not the issue, having a choice in life is.

Having a choice is a right, all humans should be fighting for, women included. But remember, having a choice is my God given right, and I am certainly not waiting for any man to give it to me, be it a husband or a lover.

My dear fellow women, forget archaic slogans, forget fake battles of old days. If you believe that you have the power to shape your own life then you will! Keep your spirits high, because real freedom is that of the spirit.

A beauty thought

Before I begin let me start by saying that I am as beauty obsessed as any other woman in the universe. I love dressing up and love looking pretty. Or am I ?

I was definitely like this, but motherhood changes your attitude. I still like to dress up and take care of my body and face, wear nice cloths and make-up and perfumes, I can write stories of my love for perfumes. But still I am not as obsessed as I used to be. Good for me. Or is it?

I mean look at the world today and you see for yourself what they are expecting women to do. Work, have children, get married, have friends, keep educating yourself, I have to say it again have children, because it certainly is the most demanding job ever. And what is more on top of all that, she has to be slim, active, beautiful, and I mean clear skin, lovely hair, fresh face, no stretch marks, no zits, no frizzy hair. We can’t have women looking like that now can we? Because with all they have to do, how can they go through the day without looking good!!! right. And it is for their own good.

Yes, the world wants us women to look like models, for our own good!!! The question is why isn’t the world expecting the same thing of men. Look closely at men and you will see. They have stretch marks, blackheads, pale skin, frizzy hair, a few extra pounds sometimes forming a lovely wobbly belly, a woman would be declared in need of serious help if she was seen with one. And yet they go around confident, thinking that they are the incarnation of perfection. Well think again!

The world certainly does not expect them to have flawless skin, bright eyes and lustrous waves. The world only expects a certain level of cleanliness from them, other than that they are good. These days one notices a trend towards expecting beauty, if you will in a man, but still the pressure is not the same as on women. And you see men getting away with plenty.

Now for the life of me, I can’t understand this difference. Both sexes are attracted to beauty, both admire a good toned body and if beauty is an indication of health a healthy partner is always better than a sick one, that is if you want to blame the whole thing on the inherent beauty means a better partner to procreate with theory. So why the focus on women, and in particular why should we expect women to be perfect, flawless? Isn’t she human? And we always say I am only human, I am not perfect. Well women are human, or did we come from a far away planet of perfection and we always have to live up to the reputation! Maybe men should a get a reality check and women a bit more tolerant of themselves. I am not saying we should all go around looking like hooligans, but for God’s sake when I am having a bad day don’t judge!

A worrying thought

As a mother the world starts taking on a new perspective. It is not about you anymore, the future, the seemingly far away future starts to matter. You start wanting a better world for your children, and even a better future. I am sure that every mother in the world feels the same way.

What is worrying me these days as a muslim mother is another story. I mean you want a good economy, good quality of life, good environment, safety and security for your children. But these days every time I hear the news or read a piece of article in a magazine I worry specifically because I am a muslim.

I certainly want my children to grow up with my believes and be practicing muslims. What I am worried about the growing, on going trend in the western media of criticising Islam. You open a western magazine or newspaper these days and there bound to be an article about an Islamic issue, mostly with a negative, judgemental approach.

And I just wonder and worry, are my children going to grow up in a world where their religion and its followers are being prosecuted. Are they going to be attacked, humiliated because of their religion.

I really can't udnerstand this western trend of attacking Islam and criticising its practicies. The western media shows respect to all other religions and believes, whether God sent or human made. Why then the constant critic and attack on Islam. And if the media is taking this trend what is the feeling of the majjority of the people in the west? Does the media replicate their feelings or is it trying to influence them?

I am not writing this to present any kind of defense for my religion. I think I don't need to. But it is mainly the thought of a mother who wants a good life for her children, who wants a world where humans are judged according to their own conduct, not the color of their skin, or the way they worship, or the place they come from. Do you think the way things are going in our world the future will be anything like that?

There is one thing Islam teaches us, is to treat others the way one likes to be treated. I certainly try my best to adhere to that, I will raise my children according to it, and hope that one day every person will think this way before they act.

Ramadan & Eid

I am glad Ramadan and Eid are over!!! Oh the shock, how can I say that? Well unfortunately this is how I feel.

You see I am a naturally calm person, who likes quite and solitude. All this makes Ramadan and Eid a very hectic time for me since I got married.

My husbands family have, I suspect like many other families in Saudi Arabia, many breakfast parties during Ramadan. Each one has to invite the others overs for breakfast one day. As for Eid well they usually gather in a seaside cabin that they rent out together. Add to that some members of my husbands family: mother, 2 brothers and a sister live in Riyadh, so they come over here for Ramadan and Eid, and some of them stay with us. So Ramadan is spent catering for all the food needs of the family, socialising with others, both are tasking for me. Eid is spent in the terrible hot weather at the seaside cabin.

So, as far as Ramadan goes, forget the bless of solitude I used to enjoy during the month, before I got married. I used to enjoy the more relaxed atmosphere of Ramadan, less work, night life and such. No more. With all the going outs to family things, and not even having the luxury of a quite home to go, with all the stay-in visitors, Ramadan has become very stressful for me, and it is no longer an enjoyable time of year.

Eid, this year in particular it was terrible. Lucky me I did not get to go to the cabin. Lucky, think again. I fell sick, my two daughters were sick. So we spent Eid going to the hospital and nursing ourselves back to health from a sever cold that I am still recovering from. Makes one appreciate the heat of the cabin!! Heh.

I am certainly not looking forward to another Ramadan like that. I am hoping that by next year things maybe slightly different. One can hope?No?