I don’t feel like writing...

I am not so much in the mood to do that, but I thought why not try writing when you don’t feel like it and see what comes out. So here I am.

You know what! lets take a look at me. I am 35 years old, why do I always have to start talking about myself this way? I wonder, is it becasue I can’t believe I am that old already? or is it that I am scared that I am this old? I wonder. Any way, I have two lovely daughters, a good husband (as good as it gets! :), what else am I doing, trying to go through a masters degree, and yes trying to keep growing beautiful hair, and while am at it trying to keep my looks, which are not bad, if I can say so myself. Very simple life, right. I think I like it that way, simple means no trouble, good, right.

What do I enjoy; I like reading, shopping, movies and yes coffee. A cup of coffee can sometimes be so (lost for words). I also enjoy fashion and experminting with beauty products. I always find myself thinking how many people around me can look much better that they actually do with the right hair, make up and cloths.

I know three languages: Arabic, English and French, listed in the order I have learnt them in.

What I hate the most, arguments and fights. I have no tolerence for them. If I get into a fight with someone I love its absolute torture for me till we make up. The idea of not speeking or being day in day out angry at someone I love is just awful to me.

Worst trait: I am very indecisive (wait is that a word?) I can’t make up my mind about things, no matter hwo simple. I just have to take ages doing it. Yes or no answers rarely come out of me, usually ther is an elaborate analysis of the pros and cons of any situation instead. That is one of the major reasons why I made sure I marry someone who is a decision maker by nature. Other than that my married life would have been a long comtemplation.

How do I see my future? I realy don’t. I am not the sort to either dwell on the past or sit trying to visualise my future. I have some plans yes, I have some things that I would like to do at certain coming years. But real visuals no I don’t. I just hope nothing bad comes my way.

OK,,, enough about me.

Just when I thought I was out!

I decided yesterday that I am going to stop posting about the horrible events going on in our region. Unfortunately, I decided to check what people on the net are saying about the issue. I came across a couple of comments trying to convince people that the massacre of Qana was all made up. So what can one say about that??

Lets look at the numbers instead of the photos: 60 people killed, 37 of which were children, enough said. No. OK, lets look at what the claims are: they claim that it was only this one child that they kept taking pictures of from different angles. To that I say first look at the numbers no denied them, not even Israel. Second, such a claim does not only assume that people who have just survived the bombs have enough mental focus to plan such a horrid thing, it also expects us to believe that they are cruel enough to do this to the poor did girls body. More so, it implies that all viewers of such photos are idiots because they could not tell that it is the same girl!!!

Well we have seen live coverage of the bodies of many children being laid down on the floor that day, next thing they would claim that those bodies were rag dolls. Well if this is how Israel sees them, it certainly is not how their relatives and loved ones and anyone with a shred of humanity would see them.

And one final note, I bet you anything, if it was one child and only one that was killed in this war, and it was your own, the universe will not be large enough to hold your pain.

A mother's peace of mind

I have to daughters, God when I say it like that it sound like a load full. I really look at them with disbelief sometimes, like I can’t believe it. It is a strange feeling, its not that I am not happy with them, on the contrary it is because I am so happy with them. And it is true once you have children things become different, you automatically become more involved in the world around you, you want it better not just for now but for ages to come, simply because someone you love will be living in it after you are gone and you want it a perfect world for them.

With all that is going on in the Middle East, when war hits you in the face, can you help but wonder about the world we live in. A few days ago, after seeing the horrible images of the dead children, I couldn’t help but wonder, did I do the right thing by having children? Are they going to have a good life? How safe are we in this world?

Now I am a religious person, I pray and hope for the best, but doesn’t every mother hope for the best for her children??? My fear is making feel guilty, we are all in God’s hand right. Don’t get me wrong this has not touched my faith. Its just this black shadow over my soul these days. Can you ever forget such images? Can any mother? Do you think the politicians stirring up such horrible events give the slightest care about what mothers feel? Maybe mothers should rule the world, maybe mothers should be the politicians,,, maybe then we will see some peace.