Independent streak!!!

After I got married, about 4 plus years ago, I discovered that I have that. I always thought of myself as a love searching woman, looking for a reliable man to take over the reigns of my life. Well, I am kind of, but not totally. My marriage made me realise that I cherished my life as a single person more than I thought.

After getting married I spent the first six months in total dissatisfaction, which is totally unlike me. I am usually the look at the bright side kind of person, the tomorrow will bring better things person, but all that was gone when I got married, the problem was at the time I did not know why.

It took me about a year to realise it. I just liked my single life. I was working, becoming more and more independent, meeting new people and experiencing new things all the time. I would read when I wanted to, watch TV as I wanted, go out when I feel like it, veg in when I feel like it. And all of a sudden things changed. There was another person that I needed to consider with every step I make. And I discovered that I was very reluctant to let go of the controls.

This particular issue was what surprised me the most. I mean, I lived in a house which was female dominated mostly, and I did not like it. As children we would’ve wanted a more involved father a more in charge one. So here I was with my man of choice who is assuming his responsibilities and I was unsatisfied. Well, if I was a man I would say women are weird and shrug my shoulders. but being the woman that I am, I had to dig deep and try to understand myself better.

I did not get married early I was thirty when I did. So I had grown into an independent woman who enjoys her single life. What is more important, I had strict parents when I was growing up so my independence came late, after 25 and it was hard earned. So it made me sad to have to give up all that. Plus the loner thing comes from coming from a family where there is a large age gap between the children so I never had to share anything with anyone.

Well it is 4 years now, and all that has changed, I developed a more relaxed attitude to most things. And with two girls to take care of that is all the responsibility I can handle, I mean its a survival matter now !!!. and besides my husband handles things well and I always have the option. So I am back to my satisfied and content self.

Prince Charming or a frog,,, the influence of time

OK, wait this not about marrying a hotty, just to see him turn into an old man with age. I can’t be that cruel. Besides age happens to all of us and I am merely one of the mortals, who if you read previous posts is starting to have to deal with aging, hair graying and all. Anyhow, lets get to what it’s about.

The idea about this post came to me a couple of months ago, while I was doing my placement (see previous post). During that work I met some very nice ladies who worked at the college library, they were all thirty something women. One day we were having lunch together at the college cafeteria, around the table there was me, two married and pregnant ladies, one divorced and soon to be married again lady, so in total -including me- 3 married. While we were eating another lady stopped to exchange a comment with one of the library ladies. The short discussion was about men and marriage. There was a subtle complaint from the passing lady, and finally she dropped a harsh comment about men and left.

Now the ladies started the marriage and men talk. The were not complaining, they were not attacking men, there comments were kind of strange to me and something I have not expected. Now they all seem to be happily married, or about to be happily married. The discussion went on about the pros and cons of marriage, the good and evil in men and what makes a good marriage. Now here where I was surprised. One said that a woman in a marriage should make it work and never leave her husband unless he suffered from some serious problem, giving examples of the man being an addict to something, drug or alcohol. The more surprising comment came when another set a criteria to evaluate a man and a marriage saying that if you look at your man critically and find that his positive points equal his negative points then the result is he is good; and she applied the same criteria for marriage. So (good=bad)=good, weird formula to me!!! But it got me wondering what did these ladies think when they were teenagers, or 10 years ago. Because they all seemed to agree on the same concept.

I don’t know about you but that formula sounded a bit depressing to me. What happened to the gallant and chivalrous image of a man? What happened to the dream of a “they lived happily ever after”? Is this sensible thinking that comes with the wisdom of age? Or is it the resignation of women who saw and knew better and are just trying to make it work. But then again, I can’t help thinking why try to make it work if it is not working for you?