40

I just turned 40 about two weeks ago. Now I am not depressed or crying over time or anything. But I am very aware of the fact that I have been on the face of earth for 4 decades with three generations of people younger than me. That is quite something. Yet I don't know how I feel. I am online looking for indications like I want someone to tell how to feel. The truth is becoming a mother affecting my personality much more than turning 35 or 40 now. More or less I am the same person I was 20 years ago, maybe more assertive and open than I was then, which I attribute to aging and motherhood at the same time. But other than that I am mostly the same. So I couldn't help wonder, is there something I am missing? Should I feel something I am not? and if yes what is it and why don't I feel it? Maybe by the end of this year I'll find out. Or maybe my 40 is like my 30 not so significant. I felt a difference in me at 25, and then 35 so maybe 45 is the next leap digits for me.

For the first time in 16 years I feel like I want short hair. I have an appointment tomorrow for a hair cut where I plan on getting for the first time in 16 years an above the shoulder hair cut. Hope I don't regret it.