Random

40

2011-07-19T00:46:00.000+03:00

I just turned 40 about two weeks ago. Now I am not depressed or crying over time or anything. But I am very aware of the fact that I have been on the face of earth for 4 decades with three generations of people younger than me. That is quite something. Yet I don't know how I feel. I am online looking for indications like I want someone to tell how to feel. The truth is becoming a mother affecting my personality much more than turning 35 or 40 now. More or less I am the same person I was 20 years ago, maybe more assertive and open than I was then, which I attribute to aging and motherhood at the same time. But other than that I am mostly the same. So I couldn't help wonder, is there something I am missing? Should I feel something I am not? and if yes what is it and why don't I feel it? Maybe by the end of this year I'll find out. Or maybe my 40 is like my 30 not so significant. I felt a difference in me at 25, and then 35 so maybe 45 is the next leap digits for me.

For the first time in 16 years I feel like I want short hair. I have an appointment tomorrow for a hair cut where I plan on getting for the first time in 16 years an above the shoulder hair cut. Hope I don't regret it.

Can't make up my mind

2011-07-16T12:19:00.000+03:00

I have been wanting to grow my hair which is already long to new lengths. But for a week now I have been thinking about nothing but cutting my hair to this.

Nail Polish

2011-07-15T11:14:00.000+03:00

I decided to post a pic of every nail polish I have, since I am trying out all new colors all the time. This one is from Max Factor.

OH, I think explanation is due. During the last trimester of my pregnancy I usually develop a liking to something new. This last pregnancy I developed a liking to nail polish. I went out a bought a bunch of all different colors. My pregnancy is over now and my baby is 4 months old but my nail polish interest remains... :)

The value of time

2011-07-13T22:14:00.000+03:00

It is true that as we get older time becomes more valuable. But parenthood puts an added spin on that. Time as a parent is not only more valuable but also more precious. Every passing moment is one to cherish...

Nivea make-up

2011-06-18T13:06:00.000+03:00

I recently tried it and it is wonderful.The nail polish is great it does strengthen the nails and help them grow. The lipstick is so smooth and the colors are nice and look velvety soft and my lips feel moisturizer after I use it.
I just wanted to share as it is not such a popular brand around here so maybe if more peole hear about it it will pick up.

Me and motherhood

2011-06-16T23:01:00.000+03:00

My hubby started us on the parenting road. He wanted to be a Dad. On the other hand my maternal instincts did ot kick in till I had my first baby. Now as I get older I'd like to have more and more, but as I hitting forty in a couple of weeks it is not logical to peruse that feeling any more, specially that I have 4 wonderful children now.
I am trying to focus on enjoying the short months of my baby's life as an infant, cherishing every moment of it. My other three children (8,6,4) are no less of a joy. Looking at how they grew so nicely and the anticipation of years to come gives life a whole and wonderful meaning.

No one leaves you with a dream...

2011-06-03T09:20:00.000+03:00

like disney does.

I watched with my family Tangled and it was great. Just like every other movie of Disney I watched. I have no idea why they are going to stop their princess movies, with all the ugliness in the world one needs a dream every now and then. I am just hoping that they will still be able to dazzle us with other stories. Disney please keep the dream!!!

What is this?!!

2011-05-16T08:48:00.000+03:00

I am getting this weird feeling these days, I am doing my normal things and suddenly I feel overwhelmed with sadness. I have nothing to be sad about thank God all is generally well. Is it postpartum depression kicking in a bit late, cos my brain was busy getting rid of the palsy, or is it depression due to extreme tiredness from caring for sick children, my children have been suffering from one form of cold or other for the last 2 months; and it is very tiring and emotionally tasking to deal with sick children. I don't know all I know is that it happens.

As I get older

2011-04-17T14:04:00.000+03:00

I used to think that public display of affection is romantic. Now I think it is vulgar.
Now I think courteous gestures both in public and other wise are romantic.

Smooth mornings

2011-04-16T13:47:00.000+03:00

Some mornings are wonderful. The baby eats, gets changed and bathed, and sleeps calmly. The older children play with each other and don't cause any trouble. Mummy gets to do some chores, eats some and relax some. My morning today was such a soft morning, I loved it.

Almost normal.

2011-04-16T09:27:00.002+03:00

I went out with my children for fun day yesterday and I was happy to see that I am back to normal. I was feeling fine, not tired and was able to enjoy the couple of hours we spent outside. Yeah it is going to be more difficult with a baby on board. but feeling physically good really helps. All my physical problems are clearing away, now I have to try and focus a bit more to get my life back in order.

OK so I gave birth.

2011-03-13T13:45:00.000+03:00

Usually I rant a lot about pregnancy on this blog, since I started posting I had to express how bad it makes me feel every time. But this time I did not. Not that it made me feel great or anything, it was as awful as overtime, I just had nothing more to add.

But this time thinking that I am prepared for everything, after all I have been through 6 pregnancies, 3 births and 3 miscarriages I was not happily surprised with some problems during my least month.
First, my Blood press was less than stable, one day high and one day law. Second the baby seemed to be moving about in my uterus too much, I go to the doctor one day and he is head down, the second visit he is sideways… At which I tried to do the Spinning Babies technique (there is a website) and maybe it helped I can't tell for sure. All I can say is that when the baby was sideways I was in a lot of pain, and after doing their poses the pain was gone and on my next visit the baby was head down again.
Third, just a day before my due date I was diagnosed with Bell's Palsy can you imagine… And then I find out that pregnant women in their third trimester are actually at higher risk of Palsy… LIke we need this.

So here I go to my doctor a day before my due date and tell him all about it, and he finds out that my BP is going higher again so he recommends induction on my due date. Primarily for the Blood pressure and because of the baby's movement and the size; he is expecting the baby to be tad big.

So crying my eyes out next day I head to the hospital.

OK I guess the rest have to wait.

Electricity

2011-02-19T14:18:00.002+03:00

Electricity was out for 14 hours at our street. First it was ok then it was difficult and finally I just couldn't breath any more.

Thought of the day

2010-07-13T10:01:00.000+03:00

Knowledge leads to more questions.

Baby nostalgia

2010-06-25T16:38:00.002+03:00

OK so recently a few months back after more or less settling on no more babies, I found myself pregnant. Only to lose the baby at 8 weeks. But that left me with wanting babies again, more than ever before. So it got me thinking maybe it is midlife crises as I am approaching my forties. So I go and ask my ever so wise??? younger sister what she thinks. And I tell her: do you think it is ok to have a baby as a middle life crises? And to my surprise she says: isn't that why people usually have children... :) Though it was quite an unfair statement to human kind, it got me thinking that maybe it is not so odd to have the baby itch at my age, particularly that I started late at the game. Mmm... don't know we'll see how goes...

Priceless moments of the day

2010-05-01T20:26:00.002+03:00

My day basically is all about my girls. It is no longer so tiring, now that my youngest is 2 years 7 months, but still plenty of work. Not to mention all the required attention you need to provide for them and the on going effort to teach and nurture. But still easier than having to deal with a nursing infant at the same time.

Though on days like today, when one of them is sick things seem to get difficult again. I feel more stressed and nervous not just because of the extra work, but also because I am worried about the sick child.

So today between the extra work, the doctor visit and the emotional stress. Come evening I am extremely exhausted. So I make a cup of coffee and sit with my laptop sipping it, for those who don't know, coffee is soothing and stimulating all at once (coming from an addict). So while I am having my coffee and my three darlings watching some TV and having their bed time snack, my youngest calls me, repeatedly, and I answer thinking there goes my coffee, but instead she says: "I love you mummy" and I find my self all recharged and willing to do it all over again.

Those priceless moments in our lives make it all worthwhile.

The laughter of our young ones. The lovely things they say and do. And recently my girls have been showing me more and more of those lovely gestures that just open your heart and brighten your day.

Adoption

2010-04-23T21:48:00.002+03:00

A few months ago I found myself thinking and considering adoption. I did think that I might do that years back before I got marries and then when I did I decided to wait and see how I feel about my own children and about adoption once I had my own. Well since then I decided I can't adopt. I was overwhelmed with how I felt about my children. The love, the need to protect and nurture them and how with all the trouble and the hard work that comes with them, there is nothing that I enjoy more than my children. But now recently I can't stop thinking about adoption.

First I found myself having those nurturing feeling to other babies and the sight of a new born just moves like I am the mother. So this got me thinking: maybe now I can do it. Off course the idea of providing an unfortunate orphan a decent living and some parental love preaches itself. But I needed to be be sure I can do it.

Now, I think I am. I just want to figure out how and when. I have three lovely girls of my own and I want to make sure I do it in a way that makes this a good addition to our family.

Random thought

2010-04-03T17:50:00.002+03:00

How do I know that me thinking about having a fourth child now is not a mid-life crisis???

I miss having and holding little new borns, but still...

HMMM

2010-03-04T11:13:00.002+03:00

Much to say about a lot.

Since the start of the new year.

I had Bad hair cut.
Plans for a new home disrupted.
I had a miscarriage and an D&C.

Not very pleasant.

So I am depressed and think I am going through a mid life crises on top of all.

Things I am grateful for:

My girls,
A decent life
My husband
A caring family
Faith.

I am grateful for my blessings. But still I am depressed. Can't help it.

Perfumes

2009-12-20T20:41:00.002+03:00

OK one of the things that I am fanatic about is perfumes. I just love a good scent. I have favorites and I also like to try new stuff. And I so loooove a beautiful perfume bottle.

After a longer than I liked wait, I splurged on a perfumes from wholesalers, and I got me a bunch of new and old favorites. While trying them I noticed that each one makes me feel a different way, and creates certain feelings and images in my head. So I thought I'd write this down.

Quelque Fleurs: this is my first time using this old perfumes. I always admired it but form a distance. This time I decided to get it. And when I am using I feel relaxed and expensive. Yeah, it makes me feel like a posh Parisian lady who wears classic outfits, likes to slightly over do it with accessories, but gets away with it. But this lady is also warm, and romantic. It is a scent that invites you to come closer, and I will whisper something nice in your ear.

Paris: I always seem to get nostalgic for this perfumes during the winter months. It is not so cold around here that is for sure, but when the weather gets cooler during those months, the smell of winter is in the air, and it is then that I miss and feel like I want to use this perfume. And when I use it, I imagine winter in Paris, the wet floor in the Champs-Elysees, the bare trees and the sizzle of soft rain.

Shalimar: yeah I know, sometimes I feel like I am the only one who likes this perfume around here. But this perfumes has a unique scent. A scent that tells its own tale and has a mind of its own. It is sexy when it wants, warm, distant, inviting, prohibiting, it is all and nothing. When I use it I feel like I am saying: This is me, I am here can't you feel it yet.

Chanel No5: Well what can one say about that. It is the perfume that says "Life goes on, and so do I"

Must de Cartier: I like this perfume cause it is warm and powerful. I don't think it is a sexy perfumes though. I also love how it progresses on the skin. For me it is one of those power perfumes. That gives you warm tingly feelings.

Poison: and I mean the old one. The very first. I think this perfume is unparalleled. It is like Must de Cartier, warm and powerful, but it is sooo sexy. It is the perfume that makes me imagine nightlife, but in a good way.

Paris, Shalimar, No5, Must and Poison are old favorites. I loved them at first site and still do. My new trials are Juicy Couture and Viva la Juicy. I can't say that they create any deep feelings or thoughts but despite the fact that one is flowery and the other is more fruity, and I like both, they both conjure those images of being "Elegantly Flirty" and I like that. There is an art to flirting with class and those two from Juicy Couture, seem to portray that image.

So yeah I will be enjoying my new collection of perfumes for a while, and I might decide at some other point to share more Perfume thoughts with you. I might even tell you my ultimate favorite.... shh

Here I am

2009-12-20T10:06:00.002+03:00

So my 6 years old and 4 plus years old are in school routine now. Unfortunately they are not loving it all that much, but it must be.

I have at home my 2 years old keeping me company.

But basically we settled into a nice routine of waking up early, even on weekends. I do my shopping a couple of times a weeks while the girls are at school. We take them for eating out once a week and playing somewhere once.

Life seems to be taking a nice pattern. And when I am not being an idiot and go to be early enough sleep I really enjoy my day.

I have started taking better care of myself; yoga my favorite sport and trying to make better food choices, I am not targeting weight loss as of yet, just a healthier me. Since I started taking vitamin B complex and Osteocare daily in addition to my regular multi vitamins I have been feeling much better.

Ok a little incident that happened today with my KG girl. At her school they started selling them sandwiches at the beginning of this year, that is why I stopped giving her one from home. The last few days after Hajj break she has been asking me to send a sandwich with her, and I ignored cos I though she is just being silly. Today she went to school crying because she wanted a home sandwitch and was insisting that they are usually late giving them their food at school and that there is not more shop there to buy from. So I called the school and as it turns out she is right. So I sent her a sandwich and a Croissant, she loves those and I wanted to make it up to her. But in the half hour when I was waiting for the croissant to get here an the chauffeur to take her food to her, was a very nervous anxious time for me, I felt real chest pains during. Just thinking that my little girl is not getting the food she wants, or that she has been feeling down because she is not eating what she wants.

But this got me thinking about all the parents in this world with children they can't feed. How horrible they must feel to see the hunger and need in their babies eyes and not be able to do anything about. How horrible. If i where to erase anything off the face of this planet it would be poverty, time and time again.

Random Thought

2009-12-13T20:49:00.002+03:00

I find myself thinking in a certain pattern these days. And it goes like this: I see or hear something and have a certain opinion about it and then start wondering if this is how I really think or is it just me being "older" -you know being 38 and approaching the big 40- that thinks this way.

And then I stopped my self today. You do agree I am being ridiculous. Cos whatever I think or feel now, has to be because I am in my late thirties, wouldn't it be very strange to be 40 years old and think and feel like a twenty something.

So if I thought about something now differently than I did in my twenties, then that is me being normal. And my thoughts and feelings now are not any less real.

In my head I am always making a comparison between what I was then and what I am now. And to make things even more complicated I also try to figure out how the rest of the world would perceive my action or thought.

Mmm.... maybe I should just let the older me relax and the enjoy some of the liberties that come with growing older.

Brief of events

2009-10-12T19:22:00.000+03:00

I will give you a brief of what went on in my life the last few months:

- Got my first ever ID card, government issued that is, long explanation

- My 6 year old graduated kindergarten, I know I know "are you serious?" but they did have a ceremony!

- The search for a suitable private school ended by me finding one called "Children World School" that I just fell in love with and inshallah it is going to be great for my girls and I hope they will stay in it till they graduate highschool and go to uni.

So my tow girls are enrolled the 6 year old in this new school and the 4 year old in the same kindergarten her sister went to. I am so exited for both of them.

- Got busy after that organizing a trip to Europe for us and my parents and my hubbies nephew

- Took my little girls and mum and sister to the hair dresser where we had haircuts/trims and mum a hair dye, right before our trip

- Went to the trip to Disneyland paris, then Geneva, then Paris

- Got back home and after a week girls got sick

- Ramadan started and girls got sick again, which turned out to be Virus H1N1!!!

- Eid came and went

- I decided to start wearing hijab

- After a period of feeling unsettled and a bit unhappy, I am back to my old satisfied self. I am very comfortable and relaxed most of the time now, I am not sure what caused my restlessness and I am not sure what helped ease it up.

- We went a couple of time to our usual beach resort

- My 2 years old got her scheduled vaccinations

- Just yesterday took my girls to have their pictures taken for school documents and took the chance to take a photo with them.

Ok so that is it so far.

Hair brief in another post.

Random thoughts

2009-10-02T07:01:00.001+03:00

Try to be an independent thinker, not a rebel.

I am Sad!

2009-08-27T15:05:00.001+03:00

Why am I feeling sad?

I love my husband, and I think we have overall a good life together. But as often in relationships you want more and expect more.

I am sad because after seven years of marriage and ten years of engagement and other relations my dear husband does not understand as well as I wished he would.

I am sad because we seem to be drifting into a banal husband and wife relationship and not the deep friendship I wanted out of a marriage.

I am sad because, despite my several attempts, my husband can not find the will to demonstrate his love by small daily loving gestures. Don't get me wrong, he is funny and jokes around a lot, but where are the gestures that tell me: "you are my significant other".? a hug or a kiss during the day can do miracles to ones emotional well being, but my requests fell on deaf ears.

I am sad because, he does not give me the feeling of security and safety I wanted from him. I would love to believe that he is there for me and would take care of me in my future and present, but now I am not so sure.

I am sad because he seems almost as unsatisfied as I am and I don't know what to do about it.

I am sad because I wanted to give my daughters the image of how wonderful marriage can be for a couple, because I grew up in a troubled marriage and wanted to give them something different. I wanted to show them how fulfilling mutual love and caring between a couple can be, but now I am not so sure I will be able to do that.

I am sad because I want more in my marriage than what I have now, and I am sad because for the first time I am not sure I can have it.

Life

2009-06-15T12:35:00.002+03:00

I am in a very pleasant mood right now. And feel like I love my life.

My soon to be 6 years old is finished with her first year of school. And I was getting too emotional about it. I come close to tears every time I think about it. Next year two of my daughters will be going to school and I love the thought. Specially now that I found what seems to be and hope it is true, a great school. This school offers a different environment than usual schools here and at the same time keeps standard of eduction and discipline good. I am speaking of what I have noticed during my visits and of what I have been told when asked about it. My 6 years old is joining this school next year. but my 4 years old is joining the same Pre-K her sister went to this past year. My experience with them was excellent, so I am giving them number 2. I am just excited for them and it is just wonderful to see them doing things.

Right now I am enjoying having all my lovely girls with me at home and not having to worry so much about them when they are away.

Older

2009-05-25T09:35:00.001+03:00

I have been thinking so much about growing older. I am steadily heading to my forties now that I am turning 38 this coming June. Many thoughts and questions come to mind. Will I ever be able to regain my previous physical form? Can I lose the extra weight? Will I still look nice, or am I going to look like a grouchy old lady? Will I be enjoying good health or am I going to start suffering from various old age illnesses?

I am turning 40 in a couple of years, and I can't believe it!!!

What about the social norms and expectations of people around me? There is a a stereotype to age just like everything else, should I try to adhere to that? or should I just do as I feel like?

I know that in my heart I am not trying to look younger or behave younger, but I am taking the same approach to things as I did 10 years ago. I mean a simple matter like choosing an outfit; should I avoid wearing certain things because the are suppose to be for younger people? Or avoid using a perfume that I liked because it is targeted at a younger audience. I am really not a very trendy person to start with, and that has not changed, but I do like to try new stuff that appeal to me, a new style, a new type of music (could be new to me only) a new perfume and such.

I was choosing a piece of jewelry the other day and my mother was with me. Now she is turning 62 this year, and thought she does not dress in a very young attire, she does try to behave like a 22 year old girl. But still at that when I was shopping I liked a pendant shaped like a butterfly and made from mother of moonstone, to me it looked nice and the question of it being age appropriate did not even cross my mind. But my mum said it was not appropriate for me. Now it was not a colorful little butterfly, as I said it was a very soft color and a bit big pendant. But her comment got me thinking. Should I starting giving more consideration to what I chose wear and try to incorporate "the age factor", or should I just go with what makes me feel good like I always did.

And for some mum ranting: aren't mothers suppose to view their children young for good? And is it a strong indication that your aging when your own mum says something about it?

Talk about not my day, it is not my month

2009-02-20T17:39:00.002+03:00

I am having some rough times. First I am pregnant, then I had some problems with it and last call the doctor says things don't looks so good. Well I am fine with whatever outcome as long as it is a healthy baby if the pregnancy goes on. I just hate the wait, and the doctor insisted that we wait two more weeks to determine what is going on. And the wait I hate. My moral is lower and lower by the minute, I am afraid of anything happening that I can't handle. It is not enough that I have to deal with the wait but there is also great fear of what might happen. Not pretty times. Don't know if I can make it for two more weeks. The doctor may find me knocking at his door sooner. Uh, the uncertainty the fear the physical pains, all too much for my poor soul.

What a Wonderful World

2009-01-24T17:45:00.003+03:00

I dream of a wonderful world. But it remains a dream.

The last month took me so far away from it. It is not enough that the news is filled with images of starving people and terrified children everywhere. The last month we witnessed a massacre, hundreds of innocent lives and children dead or mutilated by the ugly war. And me with my simple brain was just sitting there shedding tears and wondering how can the world leaders stand still and watch all that happen. If you were a man/woman of power and were able to make a and influence a change would you have stood still and watched thousands of people barricaded and then bombed to their death? Would you have stood still and watched infants being burnt to death or disfigured? And if you were an ordinary person walking down the street and saw a man attacking a child would you just stand still?

And yet the world stood still while all those crimes and more were committed in Gaza under our eyes.

I would just like to scream at every politician :"Save the children"

Feminist?

2008-11-17T16:41:00.000+03:00

I never considered myself a feminist. Just don't believe in making a separate issue of women's rights, I believe that equal, fair, just and good treatment is a God given right to all humans regardless of gender, race and any other categorization.

At the same time, I do feel like women are put under a great pressure to please from an early age. That is why we all try to be smart, intelligent, hard working, beautiful, slim, good cooks, good workers, good mothers and everything else anyone expects of us. And we tend to be so hard on ourselves. But what really gets to me is how women are so hard on one another. I think women around me are each others worst enemies. We are always so hard and so quick to judge if we see an overweight woman, or a woman who wishes to stay home and not work, or a woman who choses to take a laid back attitude about anything. At least this is how I see women around me.

My sister in laws recently went to a wedding party. Next day they are all picking on the other women who were at the party, about not dressing right for their shape!!! They find the fact that I don't not socialise that much a wrong thing!!! Other women in the family think that I am less than efficient because I quit my job to stay home with my children!!! I know someone who had a brother who was divorced three times and when he wanted to get married and chose a divorcee like him they did not like it. I tell no one as hard on women as women themselves.

Why can't they be more compassionate, and give more consideration to other women. Is it not enough what we have to deal with from others? Why can't we think of any other woman as a friend or sister before we judge?

I just don't get it!

School

2008-11-01T11:49:00.002+03:00

My eldest now five years old has started going to school last week. I was so emotional dropping her off, she was fine though and all exited about the school, but I almost cried. So on that first day, I took her to her classroom, then went down, received her books and uniform. When she got back home we tried the uniform and again I was almost in tears. God it is just like yesterday when we brought her home from the hospital.

Hmmm...

2008-10-08T05:47:00.002+03:00

So Ramadan came and went. The whole buzz that comes with it is almost over. I don't feel like ranting right now, but Ramadan since I got married has become busy time for me. My hubby's family all fly in town from somewhere else, at least part of them who don't live here. some stay with us the whole period and others come and go between our house and my sisters in lows houses. Now I do understand that it is just simply common practice to accommodate visiting family but it becomes very tasking, specially with our Arab culture and not very sensible traditions. Anyhow, now only my MIL and SIL are here both disabled on physically and one mentally and the latter stays with us. I seriously can not wait to have the house to myself again, which will be for a while no cos they will not leave till their maid returns from her vacation. Also my younger sister is going to start residing with us starting Thursday, because my parents and older sister are leaving for a long vacation and she is tied with work and can't leave with them. So here you have it.

On another note my darling 5 year old daughter is starting school this year, and I am both excited and nervous. Excited because my off-springs are growing and nervous because of the change of schedule and routine this will entail. After indulging in being the night owl that I am since quitting my job to become a stay at home mum, now I have to summon forces to help me cope with the and early bird's life, but all for the children's sake.

I sometimes wonder how do people really feel about one another. I mean would you if you love someone want them around all the time or are you like me you like your personal space, and I am not only talking about romantic love I mean any kind of it. I don't know sometimes I wish I was more of a people's person but mostly I love my private space and enjoy my boundaries.

21st century blackouts?

2008-07-13T03:53:00.001+03:00

We just had our first summer blackout. Yes yes that is a common problem in the summer along with water shortage.It was midnight, but you know midnight here is like 8 o'clock anywhere else. Everyone is up even children.

Anyhoo, we needed some light to see so what do we turn for? The trusted laptop, open your laptop and voila' light. Then we also used it to keep our girls feeling good with songs, cos they were very tense.

I remember a few years back when I was working. One day I arrived to work to discover that there is no electricity, our offices where on the 6th floor, no elevators! The shock! The horror. To add to it there was only the emergency stairs exit to use up. The stair way was so dark one could not see where they are stepping. So a colleague got out his PDA and directed to the stairs to help the both of us reach our destination.

So moral of the story is, where would we be without electricity? I mean Gadgets...

A mighty heart

2008-06-15T04:12:00.003+03:00

I would like to know: where do jews get to preach world peace and harmony among different cultures when they have killed people and robbed a whole nation out of their land and home.

A mighty heart... indeed but it is that of my grandmother who ran away from home under the jews shotguns with her little children and a nursing baby on her arm. Now that is a mighty heart indeed.

Age

2008-06-11T20:30:00.002+03:00

OK I am more OK with growing older than not OK, does that even make any sense. I am or will be in a couple of weeks 37 years old. And I have no intention to lie about my age. I don't get people who lie about their age. I mean one would know the truth so does it really matter if people think you are younger. What if you are a 40 something woman and you say you are a thirty something woman, and someone just goes: Oh you look ten years older!!!! How would you feel then....

I am slightly unaware of how old I am. I recently distributed a questionnaire for my dissertation research and I was surprised at some people's ages. And reading one 40 years old I was thinking: she is actually old, then I was: hello! you are going to be that old in three years!!!

I guess everyone feels younger than they already are. Just like how we all think we are smarter, more beautiful and attractive than we actually are. Well at least that is true for all of you, for me I am just as pretty as I think myself to be.

Dissertation

2008-06-05T13:28:00.002+03:00

OK so I made the mistake of enrolling to continue my masters degree this year. I am doing distance studies. At some points I feel like I have no idea what I am doing. It is a loooot of work, specially going around distributing your questionnaires and such oooh sucks.

I have to finish everything by October and though it feels like I can do it, I am kind of in doubt. I am also questioning the topic right now. I have anticipated a bit of a richer issues to cover. But so far nothing. I am considering changing the topic, not sure if it is possible at this point.

Snooze

2008-04-22T14:10:00.002+03:00

I wish!!! I am back at the studying world again. Enrolled this year to finish my masters I have the big bit left the DISSERTATION. I am sooo worried. I feel like I have no clue, and I have got a billion things to read and then the research.

I am done with contacts to the colleges and unis where I have to do my search, next week I have to do the actual visits, yek. Wake up early and talk to people really not my thing. Tried all my life, school, uni, and work. But it must be done. I need to find courage and go for it.

So I also have to stop procrastination. Think of doing something just do it, that is what I am trying to do now, instead of going over everything in my head a million times before doing it, just do it, it helps with procrastination.

OK off I go to start my day, there is food to prep, girls to dress, and then studying to do...

Hey

2008-04-18T04:48:00.000+03:00

I want to try and make a good effort to blog more often. Why? Cos I think I have some genius ideas that I want to share. OK so who gives a .... Maybe no one, but at least I shared, and sharing is good as I tell my girls.

So the piece of wisdom for the day is,,, crap I forgot. Where do all the good ideas go when you need one.

Sleep tight

Joie de vivre

2008-01-30T03:41:00.000+03:00

If you really take a good look at our world, you will want to be out of it. Wars, crimes, hunger an endless list of human suffering. And if you think that human kind is so much in control then think again. Anyone can come up of a list of misfortunes that could happen to a person. But those are not my main concern here. I want to talk about the human cruelty.

It is not enough that nature could be man's worst enemy, humans can not stop killing each other. When I think of where the world is heading I fear for my children. The world is run by a bunch of politicians serving a bunch of god knows who to get to more power, money and ... and it does not matter who suffers in the process, and how many human lives are killed and tortured. Humans are creative when it comes to crulty to one another. All those people in power go bout their days while being witness and in a position to do change to those who suffer in the world and yet they do nothing. I can not imagine how can someone do that. What is it that drives a human to lose perspective to that extent. If you are a father, brother, son or friend. If you are a mother, sister, daughter or friend, would you want any harm to your loved ones. And no matter what your religious belief is you are going to die one day. Knowing and being all that how can you want anything so bad that you kill and torture people for. Those kind of humans will always be beyond my comprehension.

Living in the world we live in, I sturggle everyday to keep the joy in my life. I do my best not to see the news for one. I remind my self of the beautiful nature, a nice breeze, a beautiful sunset, the smiles of my children. Every night I fight my tears and pray to God to keep my family safe and sound.

Humbled

2007-12-16T04:16:00.000+03:00

If you are a woman who has children then you must realize by now that there is no female pride. Every girl “coming of age” is usually very proud of herself, a pride that increases the more her looks develop and her womanly attributes become full bloom. Taking care of her looks and image is a in most cases, a young woman’s pride and joy.

This was me like fifteen years ago. Come first baby all that just vanished. You get pregnant and think water retention, fat retention and huge feet are just in the package. When pregnancy is over things will go back to normal. Normal being a svelte, flawless you. Then you give birth and it hits you. I am or used to be a beautiful sexy being who likes things perfect and maintained an image of having together, now I am lying on bed with my legs tied up, gassed out of my wits, helpless waiting for the baby to come. Dare I be proud after that? I don’t think so. Do I feel like I have to be in full control of my body and life and looks? I don’t think so.

If you are a woman with children like me, then you my dear have been humbled like I have.

Still some part of me wants to be so elegant and all together. I give it a try every now and then. Like trying to wear high heels, it makes taking care of children while shopping really difficult. But it got me thinking. I have to be a little more flexible about how I look. So I am now taking a different approach to it. Making things more simple. So off to the mall I go, bought some nice ballerina shoes, it make me feel good that they are in style right now, but come to think of it, what isn’t basically everything goes these days. Also no fancy abayas and minimal make up. You see you would not want your make-up to rub on your baby’s face, right.

So in short go for minimum accessories, those that only work well with three children to take care of on outings.

To compensate, I am trying to spend real effort on improving my skin, hair and body. With good maintenance and working out. After all I don’t want to feel like I am just letting my body degenerate.

I am not feeling bad about the whole thing, a few years from now I will look back in yearning for the time when my children were so young. And I certainly will not regret not wearing heels while shopping with my children.

Random thoughts

2007-10-31T03:40:00.000+03:00

My girls are healthy and fine, thank God. Did I mention they are now three. Yep my oh so wonderful journey with pregnancy ended a couple of months ago and the third one is out, she had to be forced out. I guess I have wise girls who are not very enthousiastic about life and this time my pregnancy lasted the whole 42 weeks permissable, and I had to go reluctantly to be induced...

After giving birth and having to deal with Ramadan and Eid with a three week old baby, I have decided that I will put off my dissertation till next year, I have neither the energy not the desire to study now. We are also considering moving house and putting my four year old in a KG so too much to cope with.

It is so nice to feel so physically able these days as opposed to pregnancy days, I no longer feel like a seventy year old woman.

As I was scanning TV channels this afternoon Rachel Ray got my attention with the body language experiment with a young woman on three dates, it was shown on One TV. Though the idea of body language is what interest me, I was soon enough disappointed at the implication that a woman had to do her best to get a second date with a guy she likes. I mean come on, no one thought that was degrading!!! I mean putting aside romantic notions and how a girl would want a guy to be simply charmed by her with the least effort, to imply that she has to work to get a second date from a guy is just insulting, like he is doing her favors or she is in a job interview. So called modern thinking what a load of rubbish.

When I am alone with my thoughts I wish I can make life easier fo everyone I love...

Commander in Chief 1st episod

2007-10-24T19:35:00.000+03:00

How offensive can they get???
Everyone should be offended by this episode and not just Musliims, although they should primeraly be the ones to get offended. I was watching wondering did they do this whole show to make a statement about equality between men and women or did they do it (the show that is) to use that cause (equality of sexes) as a cover up to popularize all kinds of offensive political moves.

Anyone who saw the show as I did should realise what I am talking about. And MBC network which showed and is introducing this TV Show to the Arabic and Muslisms nations should be ashamed of themselves.

الهلس فنون

2007-06-04T02:37:00.002+03:00

Sorry for the Arabic title but I can't think of any English words that describe my bthoughts better. And if you want to know what I am talking about, all you have to do is scan the "Singing Satellite Chanels"!!!

Living in SA, and being a stay at home mum means that you get to sleep at dawn and wake up at noon, sepcially if your children did not go to school yet and if you are inherently lazy like me. Well this is the case with me and I am not unique.

Recently I revolted against my husband's cleaning up of satellite chanels and downloaded the whole lot. And what I see every night is punishment enough for me:) To be honest I do get a few laughs though. I mean things on those "singing videos" channls are giving a new definition to "rediculously funny".

Why do I check them out? curiosity, unability to focus and concentrate on anything serious. But really, really they make me laugh.

Pregnancy whine... again!

2007-05-28T03:53:00.001+03:00

I am back again, with all my pregnancy glory. Yeah last time I posted was February, so yeah, pregnancy comma, brain goes into a reduced state of activity, not to mention receeding energy levels. Am I gonna talk about pregnancy again? Sorry but I am. This time its the emotional changes, concider yourself warned!

OK this is my third, but you know that if you had read above, and this time round I thought I have seen it all. I mean I know by now about the physical changes, the emotional changes and others. I am afraid I was not quite right.

The physical bit this time I have already whined about that, so I will not get into it again, suffice to say that those pains are just more intense this time round. OK you guessed it is about emotional change during pregnancy and some other sensory changes, no I am not trying to be funny, it’s hopeless, so I am tellting you the truth. What I mean by sensory changes is how I feel and react to smells, touch and visiual effects.

In my previous pregnancies I would have a strong aversion to any alcohol based perfumes. So this time like a good girl who listens to her body, I went to the mall at the begining of this pregnancy and bought myself some Oud and Musk, these were the only perfumes I could use before. I was so happy with myself being so wise and respectful of my body. What happened is at the first few months (3 months) I did not even like those, the only thing is they are not very volatile so I was still able to use, I just had to avoid smelling them. And now I can tolerate regular alcohol based perfumes better, so I did not even need to buy those, I could have spent that money on something else, like regular perfumes that I like. But trust me lesson learnt next time there will be no planning I will just take every pregnancy month as it comes.

You think my reaction to touch and visiual stimuli does not change. Well it does. First any little pressure on my body like my little girls hand squeezing me makes me feel like she is pressing right into thte bones. Visual, I have very low tolerance to prolonged exposure to light specially artificial light, and at the same time I become more of a morning person than my usual night owl self, so I have to keep changing my settings.

What else? Crying sessions. Well not really that bad but almost. I am too sensitive to anything. I take what people say or do to me to close to heart and I hurt and cry or get touched and cry. OK it is not only real life that gets to me also fictional, any emotional scene on TV or in a movie can start tears. I mean if you are a mother you are already more emotional, if you are a mother and pregnant, then forget it you are lost.

Hem, memory my dears, memory. Once I had it now I don't. I think my brain finds it too difficult to deal with all the pains of pregnancy that it loses a good part of its abilities mainly; memory and focus.

Now my fellow women do not be upset with me because I am admitting to these things. First I give you that not all of us are the same, and second, it is by acknowledging our shortcomings that we are able to overcome them.

The joys of being pregnant...not!!!

2007-01-23T14:15:00.000+03:00

So yes I have realized four years ago when I first became pregnant that the joys of pregnancy are mythical. And now being pregnant for the third time, fourth really if you want to precise, first one ended in a miscarriage. So I am reminded again of the joys.

My first pregnancy was terrible, hated every minute of it. Second one was a little better, so I thought maybe this time it will even be easier, think again sweetie.

Let me give you an idea of what is going on with me (warning thought, some images maybe disturbing!!!):

- Nausea around the clock, with sickness and vomiting almost a couple of times a day
- Dizziness round the clock
- Can’t get a good deep sleep
- Joints and bone pains all the time
- Lower back pain,,,all the time
OK I am not going to keep on saying “all the time”, you get it already
- I can’t drink water
- I get goose bumps when I shower or come in contact with water
- I can’t brush my teeth, because it induces vomiting
- I have very dry hands and feet, and oily face, but I find it difficult to use skin care stuff because of smells and textures that make me uncomfortable, not my usual thing, I am usually a products junky.
- Increased perspiration
- Shortness of breath
- I can’t bend down cos I feel like suffocating if I do
- Headaches, that I can’t take any pain killers for.
- Stuffed nose
- Sinus pain
- Oily scalp and dry ends of hair
- Aversion to all smells, even that of my own children
-Skin darkens all over
- Can’t see well, my vision sort of deteriorates during pregnancy!!!
- Lack of focus
- I change from a night owl to a morning person

In short pregnancy for me put a whole new meaning to being uncomfortable in your own skin.

Now you may wondering why am I bothering the universe with such details? Well, I just think that pregnancy complaints are usually underestimated by people and women though they complain, are usually not precise in what they say. So here it is.

Just a thought

2006-12-26T14:11:00.000+03:00

Just a thought

I realised today that it has been so long since I posted in my blog. Not so good. I am such a lazy person, even when it comes to things I enjoy.

Anyhow, now i feel like putting some thoughts on paper, uh, I mean in writing.

Being a bilingual person, actually tri., but that is not the point. The point is Being exposed to more than your own culture. Not just through language, but also living surroundings. I am from one place by nationality, or I was and living in a another. I have learnt and was interested in western culture from an early age. Add to that a natural inclination to question everything I hear. All that always leads to being more open minded and understanding of other people’s feelings, emotions and motives.

I noticed other people who did not and were not under the same influences and I couldn’t help but appreciate the advantages of their situation. They seem quicker at deciding on matters and issues. And when they express their opinions on a subject it is usually direct and precise to their own thoughts.

I find myself in discussions, always try to represent so many ideas rather than just one. So I would go on listing all kinds of different circumstances and points of view and various approaches to the topic. And in many times I don’t put my own conclusion on the topic. Because even for me many things in life seem relevant and it is very rarely that I find an issue that is one directional.

This seems to me to give the other type of people some ease. I do wish sometimes that I don’t have to perpetually thinking about things.

Having a choice...

2006-11-21T03:27:00.000+03:00

A few days ago I was watching TV5, for the sake of those who don’t know the channel it is a French International channel, broadcasting worldwide and targeting French speaking people around the word. Anyhow, There was a program I don’t recall the name of now, it was a report type of show, the topic was mainly about Arabic/Muslim women, their rights and their struggle in the Arabic world.

The program, which I missed the beginning of, was reporting from Morocco and Egypt. What I saw was the report about Egyptian women.
The program was not biased, nor racial. This is not the issue. In fact the program was very positive, showing all aspects, with a focus on the negatives in women lives in those countries bu only to demonstrate the effort and the struggle of those women to have better lives.

What really got to me was during the report they showed a Professor type lady giving advice to a young Egyptian student, in what seemed to be like a tutoring session. The girl addressed is from a for a lack of better description, a Muslim Liberal family. What I mean is they believe in education and freedom of choice, this is what you get from the interview with the parents.

The point is while this Professor lady was giving advice she said this to the girl: make sure you put a condition on your husband when you get married to make sure he allows you to work after marriage. When I heard that I was like: what???? Are there still some people with this kind of thinking around.???

I mean excuse me. Forget the idea that our religion advices mutual kindness and love between a married couple, which in my opinion would be completely compromised if you start off the marriage with conditions rather than understanding of each others needs and wants. Forget that such a statement only depicts the conviction that women are subspecies waiting for allowance from the mighty man. Forget all that.

The issue is: aren’t they going to stop limiting women’s struggle for equality to her right to work. Yes a women has the right to choose to work, to choose to study and to choose to marry and who to marry for that matter. The keyword here being “choose”.

Women’s rights are not about work. Women’s rights are about the right to choose. I choose to work, I choose to stay home, I choose to travel the world, its my choice! It is certainly not about me working just to prove to men that I can do what they do. Thank you very much but I don’t need to do that, let’s see them try to prove the opposite?! And I am no lesser person for making a choice that does not please a certain mentality or other.

And for God’s sake stop putting limitations on women. Am I just allowed to have a choice if my choice was to work? Because work is OK and acceptable in your view. Or to study because now the International community enforces the right to study. What about other choices I may want to make? Should I run them through a screening committee to see if they fit with global objectives or through the particular image a certain group of women is trying to convey. This thing or that thing is not the issue, having a choice in life is.

Having a choice is a right, all humans should be fighting for, women included. But remember, having a choice is my God given right, and I am certainly not waiting for any man to give it to me, be it a husband or a lover.

My dear fellow women, forget archaic slogans, forget fake battles of old days. If you believe that you have the power to shape your own life then you will! Keep your spirits high, because real freedom is that of the spirit.

A beauty thought

2006-11-11T16:03:00.000+03:00

Before I begin let me start by saying that I am as beauty obsessed as any other woman in the universe. I love dressing up and love looking pretty. Or am I ?

I was definitely like this, but motherhood changes your attitude. I still like to dress up and take care of my body and face, wear nice cloths and make-up and perfumes, I can write stories of my love for perfumes. But still I am not as obsessed as I used to be. Good for me. Or is it?

I mean look at the world today and you see for yourself what they are expecting women to do. Work, have children, get married, have friends, keep educating yourself, I have to say it again have children, because it certainly is the most demanding job ever. And what is more on top of all that, she has to be slim, active, beautiful, and I mean clear skin, lovely hair, fresh face, no stretch marks, no zits, no frizzy hair. We can’t have women looking like that now can we? Because with all they have to do, how can they go through the day without looking good!!! right. And it is for their own good.

Yes, the world wants us women to look like models, for our own good!!! The question is why isn’t the world expecting the same thing of men. Look closely at men and you will see. They have stretch marks, blackheads, pale skin, frizzy hair, a few extra pounds sometimes forming a lovely wobbly belly, a woman would be declared in need of serious help if she was seen with one. And yet they go around confident, thinking that they are the incarnation of perfection. Well think again!

The world certainly does not expect them to have flawless skin, bright eyes and lustrous waves. The world only expects a certain level of cleanliness from them, other than that they are good. These days one notices a trend towards expecting beauty, if you will in a man, but still the pressure is not the same as on women. And you see men getting away with plenty.

Now for the life of me, I can’t understand this difference. Both sexes are attracted to beauty, both admire a good toned body and if beauty is an indication of health a healthy partner is always better than a sick one, that is if you want to blame the whole thing on the inherent beauty means a better partner to procreate with theory. So why the focus on women, and in particular why should we expect women to be perfect, flawless? Isn’t she human? And we always say I am only human, I am not perfect. Well women are human, or did we come from a far away planet of perfection and we always have to live up to the reputation! Maybe men should a get a reality check and women a bit more tolerant of themselves. I am not saying we should all go around looking like hooligans, but for God’s sake when I am having a bad day don’t judge!

A worrying thought

2006-11-11T03:17:00.000+03:00

As a mother the world starts taking on a new perspective. It is not about you anymore, the future, the seemingly far away future starts to matter. You start wanting a better world for your children, and even a better future. I am sure that every mother in the world feels the same way.

What is worrying me these days as a muslim mother is another story. I mean you want a good economy, good quality of life, good environment, safety and security for your children. But these days every time I hear the news or read a piece of article in a magazine I worry specifically because I am a muslim.

I certainly want my children to grow up with my believes and be practicing muslims. What I am worried about the growing, on going trend in the western media of criticising Islam. You open a western magazine or newspaper these days and there bound to be an article about an Islamic issue, mostly with a negative, judgemental approach.

And I just wonder and worry, are my children going to grow up in a world where their religion and its followers are being prosecuted. Are they going to be attacked, humiliated because of their religion.

I really can't udnerstand this western trend of attacking Islam and criticising its practicies. The western media shows respect to all other religions and believes, whether God sent or human made. Why then the constant critic and attack on Islam. And if the media is taking this trend what is the feeling of the majjority of the people in the west? Does the media replicate their feelings or is it trying to influence them?

I am not writing this to present any kind of defense for my religion. I think I don't need to. But it is mainly the thought of a mother who wants a good life for her children, who wants a world where humans are judged according to their own conduct, not the color of their skin, or the way they worship, or the place they come from. Do you think the way things are going in our world the future will be anything like that?

There is one thing Islam teaches us, is to treat others the way one likes to be treated. I certainly try my best to adhere to that, I will raise my children according to it, and hope that one day every person will think this way before they act.

Ramadan & Eid

2006-11-02T02:32:00.000+03:00

I am glad Ramadan and Eid are over!!! Oh the shock, how can I say that? Well unfortunately this is how I feel.

You see I am a naturally calm person, who likes quite and solitude. All this makes Ramadan and Eid a very hectic time for me since I got married.

My husbands family have, I suspect like many other families in Saudi Arabia, many breakfast parties during Ramadan. Each one has to invite the others overs for breakfast one day. As for Eid well they usually gather in a seaside cabin that they rent out together. Add to that some members of my husbands family: mother, 2 brothers and a sister live in Riyadh, so they come over here for Ramadan and Eid, and some of them stay with us. So Ramadan is spent catering for all the food needs of the family, socialising with others, both are tasking for me. Eid is spent in the terrible hot weather at the seaside cabin.

So, as far as Ramadan goes, forget the bless of solitude I used to enjoy during the month, before I got married. I used to enjoy the more relaxed atmosphere of Ramadan, less work, night life and such. No more. With all the going outs to family things, and not even having the luxury of a quite home to go, with all the stay-in visitors, Ramadan has become very stressful for me, and it is no longer an enjoyable time of year.

Eid, this year in particular it was terrible. Lucky me I did not get to go to the cabin. Lucky, think again. I fell sick, my two daughters were sick. So we spent Eid going to the hospital and nursing ourselves back to health from a sever cold that I am still recovering from. Makes one appreciate the heat of the cabin!! Heh.

I am certainly not looking forward to another Ramadan like that. I am hoping that by next year things maybe slightly different. One can hope?No?

Life or something like it

2006-09-30T08:01:00.000+03:00

This movie title keeps popping in my head all the time. I don't know how famous the movie is I just happen to watch it on TV, so no clue of how big it was. But the title is catchy and the theme of the movie is good. It talks about what gives life value, or what is of real value in world.

This issue is simple I suppose and the answer it would seem should be easy and clear for everyone. But how many of us tend to pursue certain things in our quest of happiness, only to remain eternaly unsatisfied. When I look at how my life has been so far, I could make long lists of things that I would have liked to do. But still I don't allow my self to brood or feel bad about them. I just look at what I have; a loving family, a caring husband and two lovely daughters.

Its been said over and over again that the thing worth cherishing in life is human relations, one's family and friends. It is no secret. But still I look at people around who I love and care about and see how they are so hung up on other things. It hurts to see them like that, because I know as long as they are like this, they will not find peace within shemselves and they will always remain unsatisfied.

Don't get me wrong I am not an idealist, I just simply try to remain focused. Whenever somthing that I don't like happen, I just ask myself is it worth to dwell on the matter? Or should I just move on and enjoy the more valuable gifts I have in my life? Nothing, nothing equals the joy you derive from good moments with a loved one. And nothing should be more intolerable than a bad thing happening to a loved one.

Remaining focused is very important for me. And I think my ability so far to do just that in itself is a blessing.

If you live to see another day, remember your blessings. If you find yourself feeling down, remember your blessings. If you were planining to buy a fancy bag, or a new car, or a flat screen TV and you couldn't, remember your blessings. The laugh of your child, the satisfaction of your mother or father to see you, the kind hand of your partner touching you, the good friend you have or simply yourself; able healthy and whole. If you count your blessings you will be more grateful than upset or disappointed.

Why am I talking about that? Because it hurts to see my loved ones in times of crises seperating, and working against one another instead of together. It hurts to see my loved ones not appreciating the real value of life.

Life or something like it!!! Why opt for something like it, when you can have your life and enjoy it.

I want to talk about my girls

2006-09-02T05:09:00.000+03:00

Yes that is true I want to talk about them, sorry, but it’s why you start a blog, right, to say whatever you want whenever you feel like it.

Lets start at the beginning, oh no, not when I was born, how boring do you think I am? But when my first girl was born.

Three years ago, this coming Sunday. Pregnancy, maternal instinct did not kick in yet. When she was born however, it is a different thing. I was just overwhelmed with feelings. Forget about resting after birth and all that, my husband took care of that part. Me, I just couldn’t sleep. I was so anxious. With all that came this need to protect. Suddenly, I don’t feel whole unless I am attached to a baby. Everything was so strange and scary. Yes there was love, a love that just kept on growing. To be honest you do feel a bit stupid at how much you suddenly love this creature. You know for a person who tries to rationalize everything, that did not make any sense. Should I tell you that after 4 years of marriage, two pregnancies and two children I have stopped trying to make sense of everything!!! Well, that's another story. Moving on...

To around two years from that date I had my second girl. Now first thought was, good I survived this one two, second thought was its just going to be the same story all over again. But you know how things are, don’t you. My girls just decided to make things all the more fun for me by being total opposites to one another. A couple of weeks after the second was born, and I realized it’s not the same story. Everything about her was different. The older she gets the more obvious. So surprise for mummy, most of the techniques I have learnt don’t work. And It was another learning process. Well you can see who’s boss in this family. Love wise, need I say it, my heart bleeds for the sight of them. The funny thing is when you have the second you love the first even more!!! Now explain that.

So what do I do with my days, they are mostly about the girls. If for a couple of hours I manage to find someone to take care of them and I go do my own thing, I just feel lost, silly I know, but what can you do, blame it on motherhood or the sun rising for all that matter. So I am out alone shopping and I hear cries of a child what happens I want to go over there and comfort the little thing. Hello! don’t you have enough of that at home. And yes the smell... do all mothers miss the smell of their children. First thing I want to do when I return is to smell them. God, can you be an addict to your own children. So fellow mothers, did you sniff your children lately?

I don’t feel like writing...

2006-08-17T19:30:00.000+03:00

I am not so much in the mood to do that, but I thought why not try writing when you don’t feel like it and see what comes out. So here I am.

You know what! lets take a look at me. I am 35 years old, why do I always have to start talking about myself this way? I wonder, is it becasue I can’t believe I am that old already? or is it that I am scared that I am this old? I wonder. Any way, I have two lovely daughters, a good husband (as good as it gets! :), what else am I doing, trying to go through a masters degree, and yes trying to keep growing beautiful hair, and while am at it trying to keep my looks, which are not bad, if I can say so myself. Very simple life, right. I think I like it that way, simple means no trouble, good, right.

What do I enjoy; I like reading, shopping, movies and yes coffee. A cup of coffee can sometimes be so (lost for words). I also enjoy fashion and experminting with beauty products. I always find myself thinking how many people around me can look much better that they actually do with the right hair, make up and cloths.

I know three languages: Arabic, English and French, listed in the order I have learnt them in.

What I hate the most, arguments and fights. I have no tolerence for them. If I get into a fight with someone I love its absolute torture for me till we make up. The idea of not speeking or being day in day out angry at someone I love is just awful to me.

Worst trait: I am very indecisive (wait is that a word?) I can’t make up my mind about things, no matter hwo simple. I just have to take ages doing it. Yes or no answers rarely come out of me, usually ther is an elaborate analysis of the pros and cons of any situation instead. That is one of the major reasons why I made sure I marry someone who is a decision maker by nature. Other than that my married life would have been a long comtemplation.

How do I see my future? I realy don’t. I am not the sort to either dwell on the past or sit trying to visualise my future. I have some plans yes, I have some things that I would like to do at certain coming years. But real visuals no I don’t. I just hope nothing bad comes my way.

OK,,, enough about me.

Just when I thought I was out!

2006-08-06T05:31:00.000+03:00

I decided yesterday that I am going to stop posting about the horrible events going on in our region. Unfortunately, I decided to check what people on the net are saying about the issue. I came across a couple of comments trying to convince people that the massacre of Qana was all made up. So what can one say about that??

Lets look at the numbers instead of the photos: 60 people killed, 37 of which were children, enough said. No. OK, lets look at what the claims are: they claim that it was only this one child that they kept taking pictures of from different angles. To that I say first look at the numbers no denied them, not even Israel. Second, such a claim does not only assume that people who have just survived the bombs have enough mental focus to plan such a horrid thing, it also expects us to believe that they are cruel enough to do this to the poor did girls body. More so, it implies that all viewers of such photos are idiots because they could not tell that it is the same girl!!!

Well we have seen live coverage of the bodies of many children being laid down on the floor that day, next thing they would claim that those bodies were rag dolls. Well if this is how Israel sees them, it certainly is not how their relatives and loved ones and anyone with a shred of humanity would see them.

And one final note, I bet you anything, if it was one child and only one that was killed in this war, and it was your own, the universe will not be large enough to hold your pain.

A mother's peace of mind

2006-08-04T05:10:00.001+03:00

I have to daughters, God when I say it like that it sound like a load full. I really look at them with disbelief sometimes, like I can’t believe it. It is a strange feeling, its not that I am not happy with them, on the contrary it is because I am so happy with them. And it is true once you have children things become different, you automatically become more involved in the world around you, you want it better not just for now but for ages to come, simply because someone you love will be living in it after you are gone and you want it a perfect world for them.

With all that is going on in the Middle East, when war hits you in the face, can you help but wonder about the world we live in. A few days ago, after seeing the horrible images of the dead children, I couldn’t help but wonder, did I do the right thing by having children? Are they going to have a good life? How safe are we in this world?

Now I am a religious person, I pray and hope for the best, but doesn’t every mother hope for the best for her children??? My fear is making feel guilty, we are all in God’s hand right. Don’t get me wrong this has not touched my faith. Its just this black shadow over my soul these days. Can you ever forget such images? Can any mother? Do you think the politicians stirring up such horrible events give the slightest care about what mothers feel? Maybe mothers should rule the world, maybe mothers should be the politicians,,, maybe then we will see some peace.

How can a mother forget who burnt her son’s face?

2006-07-24T03:25:00.000+03:00

Unfortunately I saw today a lebanese mother who just lost a husband and her two children were injured in the bombing.

I am from a generation who is sort of detached, not fully, but partially from what is known as the Middle East Crisis. I wonder who came up with this name. That is I assume that I am using the right words in English. My generation did not witness the evacuation of Palestinians from their land in the 1948, I have been told some stories of how things went then but I was never there. When I was a teenager I vaguely remember some attacks of the so called Israelis on Lebanon, the victims of which were mostly Palestinians who escaped their lands under the fire of the Jews years back. Later, after some years there were the attacks of Israelis (Jews) on Southern Lebanon.

Years followed and Peace talks started and the so called peace agreements were signed here and there. And you started to hear the international community talk about forgetting the past and helping generations to come forget all the hostility between the Arabs and the Israelis, mostly expecting Arabs to forgive and forget both their martyrs and their stolen lands.
But come again another aggression. Every where you turn these days you see dead lebanese children, and yet again, the blame is on them for being naughty, right.

I just want to ask do Israelis, Jews or whatever they want to call themselves want the Arabs to forgive and forget? Because they certainly don’t behave like it. It seems that they actually try their best that every generation witnesses some or other disaster caused by them, it’s like they are trying to tell us, we are here to kill you whenever we please. Well, I suppose we should be grateful that they have let us live for this long right!

Natural Beauty

2006-07-17T04:54:00.000+03:00

Its funny how when we are doing all kinds of unnatural things, our main quest is natural.

I am a beauty everything freak, I love to read about how to take care of your skin and hair and how to wear make up, I am always keeping on track of all the latest fashions, I don’t have to follow them I just need to know about them. Anyhow, it occurred to me that through my readings one word shows up a lot “natural”, it seems that we are after naturally looking beautiful hair, and naturally looking beautiful skin and so on and naturally looking beautiful make-up. The irony is what ever process we go through to achieve this naturally looking beautiful whatever is most certainly not a natural one, and most certainly the result is far from natural either, it maybe beautiful but it is most certainly not natural.

This is so ironically true in particular with make-up. Are you trying to tell me that a made up face is as natural as a morning puffy eyes face. A natural looking made- up face would definitely have some concealer to cover dark circles under the eyes, and other spots in the face, it will include some foundation or powder on the face to eliminate shine and unify skin tones on the face, after all that there will be some blush, mascara and at least lip gloss, all this to achieve a natural looking beautiful face. The truth is a natural looking face of a beautiful woman, would generally have some uneven skin tones, some spots and shadows and lashes may not be as long or curly as without the mascara. So are we really after what is natural? I think not. We may wish we were naturally born with glossy lips and twinkly eyes and a dewey complexion, but the truth most if not all are not. Ok maybe we are born with those traits but we certainly don’t keep them beyond the age of 12, when puberty hits all kinds of beauty issues come with it.
Don’t get me wrong I am not against embellishing one’s self, on the contrary I am more than obsessed with my looks always have been and my greatest hobby is to dress up. I am just saying lets be real about it and honest. It is not natural that we seek . It is the ideal image in our heads of what natural beauty should be like that we are after. I just wish people writing for women’s press about those issues would stop with the over use of the natural word. If you want to be natural then stick with the face you wake up with. On the other hand if you like to embellish then the more honest you are about it the more comfortable you are with it.

So if you like your mascara then enjoy it and flaunt it. Natural is overrated anyway...

Trends and what have you?

2006-07-14T18:29:00.000+03:00

It seems to me that we live in an era where trends have become essential to people. If you look at people around you fashion and beauty trends are so obvious, if you hear them talking you will be listening to whatever hot issue is going around now.

I returned from vacation to a European country a couple of weeks ago. There I noticed how young girls there are so hooked up on the beauty and fashion trends, they all looked like they are trying to imitate a photograph they have seen in a magazine. I always thought that the european approach to beauty is much simpler that that of country were I live, here people have always been going around with heavy make up and they looked over dressed. Apparently this has become the Trend world wide. The young girls I noticed were school girls who hit the malls right after school and hang around with there friends while their parents got home from work. Anyhow, they were still in their school uniforms, but the hair is all done in the latest fashion, the make up is quite strong with kohl and mascara. Those girls could not have been more than 15 or 16 but they were trying to look 24. Now I understand the teenagers need to attract but it looked like it was too extreme, and mores, it looked like each one was trying to be someone else.

I came back home and viola’, I thought those girls were over made!!! I had another thing coming. Of course girls here go to malls at night which gives them more chance to indulge in make up. The thing though is they were all tanned, and it did not look like a natural one either. I mean we are blessed in this part of the world with a natural tint, so you would think people would be wise enough not to follow the tan trend so religiously, don’t they realise it was intended for those who lack natural color. But helas, every and each girl I saw looked like she was baked in the sun for hours,add to it all this tan looked so fake. I have not seen a girl around here going around with here natural skin color. What happened to individualism and personal character; all soaked up by the influence of media I suppose. It just gets you thinking deeply of how strong a hold does media have over us.

I am alive

2006-06-05T07:27:00.000+03:00

eeuh, finally, four weeks of hard work, well the hardest since.. well I don't remember since when. I was doing end of semester assignments for my postgraduate course. It is not so difficult but it is quite a commitment. Specially for me. I think I like to hop through things. Well anyway, I got my self studk with this one a couple of years ago, when I was considering leaving my job for the girls. I always wanted a masters degree and thought then that if I don't start now, and then leave my job I will become too lazy and never do it. So here I am in my second year, stuggling, again not because it is so difficult but because I am lousy at time mangement and self control. Here you have it full confession. Oh, my god I do like to go on these days. It probably comes with being a mother. So anyway I am back and expect some new spicy tales.

Independent streak!!!

2006-04-25T07:45:00.000+03:00

After I got married, about 4 plus years ago, I discovered that I have that. I always thought of myself as a love searching woman, looking for a reliable man to take over the reigns of my life. Well, I am kind of, but not totally. My marriage made me realise that I cherished my life as a single person more than I thought.

After getting married I spent the first six months in total dissatisfaction, which is totally unlike me. I am usually the look at the bright side kind of person, the tomorrow will bring better things person, but all that was gone when I got married, the problem was at the time I did not know why.

It took me about a year to realise it. I just liked my single life. I was working, becoming more and more independent, meeting new people and experiencing new things all the time. I would read when I wanted to, watch TV as I wanted, go out when I feel like it, veg in when I feel like it. And all of a sudden things changed. There was another person that I needed to consider with every step I make. And I discovered that I was very reluctant to let go of the controls.

This particular issue was what surprised me the most. I mean, I lived in a house which was female dominated mostly, and I did not like it. As children we would’ve wanted a more involved father a more in charge one. So here I was with my man of choice who is assuming his responsibilities and I was unsatisfied. Well, if I was a man I would say women are weird and shrug my shoulders. but being the woman that I am, I had to dig deep and try to understand myself better.

I did not get married early I was thirty when I did. So I had grown into an independent woman who enjoys her single life. What is more important, I had strict parents when I was growing up so my independence came late, after 25 and it was hard earned. So it made me sad to have to give up all that. Plus the loner thing comes from coming from a family where there is a large age gap between the children so I never had to share anything with anyone.

Well it is 4 years now, and all that has changed, I developed a more relaxed attitude to most things. And with two girls to take care of that is all the responsibility I can handle, I mean its a survival matter now !!!. and besides my husband handles things well and I always have the option. So I am back to my satisfied and content self.

Prince Charming or a frog,,, the influence of time

2006-04-12T04:59:00.000+03:00

OK, wait this not about marrying a hotty, just to see him turn into an old man with age. I can’t be that cruel. Besides age happens to all of us and I am merely one of the mortals, who if you read previous posts is starting to have to deal with aging, hair graying and all. Anyhow, lets get to what it’s about.

The idea about this post came to me a couple of months ago, while I was doing my placement (see previous post). During that work I met some very nice ladies who worked at the college library, they were all thirty something women. One day we were having lunch together at the college cafeteria, around the table there was me, two married and pregnant ladies, one divorced and soon to be married again lady, so in total -including me- 3 married. While we were eating another lady stopped to exchange a comment with one of the library ladies. The short discussion was about men and marriage. There was a subtle complaint from the passing lady, and finally she dropped a harsh comment about men and left.

Now the ladies started the marriage and men talk. The were not complaining, they were not attacking men, there comments were kind of strange to me and something I have not expected. Now they all seem to be happily married, or about to be happily married. The discussion went on about the pros and cons of marriage, the good and evil in men and what makes a good marriage. Now here where I was surprised. One said that a woman in a marriage should make it work and never leave her husband unless he suffered from some serious problem, giving examples of the man being an addict to something, drug or alcohol. The more surprising comment came when another set a criteria to evaluate a man and a marriage saying that if you look at your man critically and find that his positive points equal his negative points then the result is he is good; and she applied the same criteria for marriage. So (good=bad)=good, weird formula to me!!! But it got me wondering what did these ladies think when they were teenagers, or 10 years ago. Because they all seemed to agree on the same concept.

I don’t know about you but that formula sounded a bit depressing to me. What happened to the gallant and chivalrous image of a man? What happened to the dream of a “they lived happily ever after”? Is this sensible thinking that comes with the wisdom of age? Or is it the resignation of women who saw and knew better and are just trying to make it work. But then again, I can’t help thinking why try to make it work if it is not working for you?

Spiritual Experience

2006-03-25T02:30:00.000+03:00

Spiritual Experience.

As you might know the people who live in this part of the world are, the majority that is, muslims. And I am one of them. I am not an extremist, but I do practice my religion.

In Saudi Arabia there are two holy places for muslims, Makkah and Madinah. I have been to Makkah, where we do Omra every year, but I have never been to Madina till last week. Madina is where the Prophet lived and died and he is buried there. Going to Madina is usually called the “visit” it is like you are visiting the Prophet.

So I was very exited we went with my husbands family and stayed at a large suite in a hotel overlooking the Prophets mosque, it was so nice and spiritual I was crying every time I prayed. And now I can’t wait to visit again. The area was calm, serene and it felt out of this world; like you have to worry about nothing there. I totally loved it.

When you are in a place like that you think about the blessings you have and you find yourself focusing on the real value of life, and my love for my family, my children and my husband grew even more.

I just wonder these days if you are religious, of any religion, you seem to have to defend yourself, how did we get to that, if being a believer is making me feel so good, why should I always find myself in a position to have to defend myself and my beliefs, and I just wanted to say to all believers of all religions, enjoy!...

Placement

2006-03-25T02:29:00.000+03:00

I have no idea what I am going to say. I just feel kind of repressed and want to let go....

OK, does not sound good, let us give it another try.

I want to write about world peace. Ha ha very funny. OK not really funny either.

OK serious now, why not talk about my recent work experience. I needed to do a fieldwork placement for my postgraduate studies course in Information and Library Studies. You only need to do this placement if you don;t have a work experience in the field, and since I did as far as the University is concerned I did not have to. However, I felt that my experience could be slightly limited and decided to take on a placement. I contacted this young college at Jeddah, a ladies only college, things here are separated, there are 2 of everything male-only colleges and female only colleges, male-only banks and female only banks and so on. Back to the point. I particularly felt that my experience was lacking in a sort of conventional library setting so I arranged for this placement.

How did the experience go. As a mother of two I had to make lots of arrangements. I shifted our daily meals schedule, I arranged for my mom to stay with the girls in the morning when I am working. Plus I needed to sacrifice my comfort and the little rest I was getting to do this. Anyhow, I started very exited about it. but unfortunately I was not met with equal enthusiasm, though they seemed very helpful and nice they were scared to give me anything to do, they don’t want me touching the database for instance, I guess they are not used to people wanting to work for free; kind of a strange idea in this culture.

Now what was I saying. I even have no idea when did I start writing this. Not so good I suppose. Well lets see by now I have actually finished the placement and I would say I am 85% satisfied with the outcome. I did experience a more traditional library setting than where I previously worked and I was exposed to all the regularly routine work. I also met some very nice people, the ladies who worked there were extremely kind and nice. If they are a good example of librarians in this country it is excellent.

On another point, my mother who was taking care of the girls in my absence seemed extremely fed up at the end. My husband did not like the schedule and could not quite understand why I am doing this. As for me I did miss the girls so much while I was there, I guess I am like my sister puts it: “Such a mother”...

Princess Leia

2006-02-13T05:26:00.000+03:00

The thing is in my hair and I look like princess Leia

OK, once upon a time a had very nice hair color.... wait lets not get into this again. I felt I needed to color my hair. So I thought why not go lighter. So I bought this magic potion that supposedly would turn my dark brown hair into a light brown in one step. So here I ma at home having bought two boxes of the magical color, got rid of the babies (sent them to my mother’s home) and all alone at mine I started the process of coloring.

Now because I have long hair and very thick one at that I spent hours contemplating the process. It seemed to me that the simple apply to roots first technique and then length and mix is not enough. Oh wait this magic potion had a different technique, you are supposed to apply to the length first , wait 10 minutes and then apply to roots. wait a further 20 minutes and then rinse. So I decided to follow this only I thought I needed to divide my hair to 6 sections before application, and so I did. I laid plastic bags on the floor, got all my gear together, divided my hair, and taking each section alone I started the application. Now you can imagine how the above process was very time consuming and tiring, as I had to basically apply color twice to the same section. After I was done I grouped my hair in two sections rolled up above my ears- that is where princess Leia comes in.

After that, pretending to be calm and collected I sat at my laptop, trying to study. After the time was done, I thought it passed quickly, so I decided to wait 10 extra minutes. I mean what harm can this do. People always say that on dark hair color usually needs more time. After the extra 10 minutes, I went to rinse my hair. To my surprise I noticed that my roots turned coppery, but I remained calm, thinking once I rinse the whole thing is going to come together nicely. Well guess what? it didn’t. My roots where coppery and the rest of my hair medium brown at best. So with a long face i dressed up and went to get the girls. Now no one said anything mean but I did. I told them it looks terrible.

So next day, unable to wait any longer I just got any box that I had, thanking God that being obsessed about things is sometimes useful, how else would I have all those boxes of different hair color available. So I got one, chestnut brown, now I have to admit it was not the ideal shade to fix the problem totally but at least it will dye the coppery roots, hopefully, and it was the holiday no one is open, so it had to do. So I left the girls with their father for 15 minutes and applied the color to roots only. Waited the advised time and then rinsed. While waiting I got so freaked out, as it started stinging and I had those images of my hair falling down. But none of that, it was fine, the color is a bit too red for my taste but it will have to do for now.

Two weeks later I applied a semi-permanent light brown color over it hoping to tone it down, it worked slightly.

Now 4 weeks later, I got a medium natural brown and applied it. And yes it feels like me again. Two things I learned: first I really prefer my dark locks and second you seriously have to listen to manufacturer and not people when it comes to application, one more thing the princess Leia technique is not necessary. So now I will do nothing for at least 5 weeks, if I felt like I need to recolor will remain within the same level. 5 is my color.

Once Skin Now Hair...

2006-01-16T05:22:00.000+03:00

Once skin now hair...

Let me first say this. I have become obsessed with hair coloring. I was before obsessed with skin care products, now it is hair products.

I have to admit that when it came to skin products I have almost tried every brand available at some point. I used to sit and make lists of future purchases of such products. This started in my teenage years when I had acne problems and was triggered to find solutions, and when I got rid of that problem I focused on maintenance and proper care for my then oily skin. As I grew older and my skin stabilized its needs changed. But to my relief (as I started getting worried that I will not be able to find an excuse to experiment with products any more) my skin turned out to be highly responsive to the environment, so I ended up using a routine for summer days and another for winter. Not to mention some other miscellaneous items that I bought because I just simply liked one thing or the other about them.

OK this was my skin history, now when it came to my hair it was a different story. I was very conservative, and my motto was “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” and as I mentioned before I had for the most part had long abundant hair with nice natural waves, nice color and I couldn’t be happier with it. My hair care routine was very basic, and hair care products were very minimal. Now it is a whole new story. Just last week I spent a fortune in the drugstore buying hair care products; three different types of shampoos (same brand but different function) with their respective conditioners or intensive treatments, my favorite anti-frizz serum, one extra intensive treatment pack, two different brands of hair color (I have to buy two boxes of each for my long hair) and one leave in conditioner.

I did however buy some skin care products, obsessing about my hair does not mean neglecting my skin, you know!! But when it comes to skin care now I just buy exactly what I need for now, no storage for future use. But hair color, I have now 8 boxes of hair color, different brands and different colors; I am now not even sure that I will end up using all of them. I discovered it is not that easy to change hair color without professional help and I don’t mean psychiatric!!! funny people....

Motherhood Bliss

2006-01-05T04:42:00.000+03:00

Motherhood, what you hear, imagine, and the real thing...

Personally I was never one of those people who said that one of their life’s goals is to have children. Through all the stages in my life it was not one. I have friends who badly wanted children at the early age of 18; they were badly wanting children and dreaming of the day when this becomes real, and they can see their off springs run around. I was never like that, never. Don’t misunderstand me I did love children and still do. At a certain period of my life I considered becoming a kindergarten teacher, because I loved being around children so much. But having my own, sorry but I have never fantasized about that.

Nonetheless, here I am with baby girls, devoted the greatest part of my days to the service and maintenance of their lives. Do I enjoy being with my children? yes I do. Do I think it’s a life requirement? No I don’t. Or at least I think I don’t. You know with the year 2006 I am going to be 35 and that makes one start to wonder, but that is another issue.

When I had my first baby 2 and 4 months ago, a friend of mine asked how I felt about and I said “stupid”. If motherhood makes you feel anything, it is stupid. Here you are a reasonable adult, who spends life thinking what is fair to me and others, deciding who to love, who to take as friends and who to eliminate from your life based on their merits. Find yourself completely and utterly in love with this little creature that you brought in the world, who is unaware of anything most of all your love for it. Now how reasonable is that?!!!

I really hate the mythical approach people have to motherhood and parenthood and all that. The truth is we have no say in the matter. You have a child, if your normal, you love it unquestionably and totally. Is it roses and flowers and a wonderful dream, most certainly not? Its a nightmare. By day, you are running around catering for their needs (which is not such a bad way to spend your days, really), by night you are sleepless worried about them. What is so wonderful about that?!

I will tell you what. Its the smile. When you see their smiles and hear their laughter its then that the nightmare becomes the most wonderful of dreams.

So if someone asks would you recommend it. I would say who I am to recommend anything? But as experiences go its not a bad one at all. And I will tell you something, from all the jobs I had it is the one job that never felt insignificant nor hypocritical at any point.

Procrastination!!! To do or not to do??

2006-01-01T04:53:00.000+03:00

Long live procrastination!!!

I don’t know if this is a family disease or a result of being raised by a to do it now mother. But my sister and I seem to be from those people who’s brain only function when it absolutely has to. She is an undergraduate student and I am a postgraduate student, with a fourteen years age difference and still our approach to studying, and all must do things are nearly the same. We only get to them when there is no other choice except failing or losing and such.

So I am doing this distance learning course, which I committed my self to before quitting my job. Because I know me, I could become too adapt at staying home and doing nothing and then wake up one day and regret it. So I registered and started on the course before leaving my job. I do enjoy it and think it was good thinking on my part to do that. But when it comes to the assignments I am just such a bad person.

I am on my third semester now, and for all last three, at the beginning I sit down with my computer and plan carefully the topic around the semester, marking everything on my calendar, This semester was no exception. After being stuck writing a 2000 word report in four days last semester, I decided that this one will be different, the stress with two babies to care for was too much. So there I sat again with my laptop scheduling last September. Only to find myself a month after doing the same thing all over again. You see, the Uni had problems with their VC at the start of the semester, by the time they fixed my husband’s family started arriving (they live in another city) for Ramadan and Eid. And here you go 4 weeks went by being busy with all those family events.

With people like me, procrastinators that is, everything can set us off track, and we do tend to take extra long to get back on it. I have noticed this pattern with me, with my sister and with a friend.

Now I don’t know if someone out there has actually studied patterns of behavior associated with people like us, if so please help!!! if not please do!!! Any therapist or a psychiatrist please help!!!

As for me, well I am trying to work on it. I can see some improvement but not much. The thought of me slaving for endless hours one day to catch on what I have to do is a thought I keep running in my mind to try and motivate me. So from now on: Down with procrastination!!!

A Successful Paint Job

2005-12-21T03:09:00.000+03:00

I can definitely say :” My bathroom had a successful paint job”

OK, here is the thing. I am thirty something (34, to be precise) year old woman. I used to have a lovely dark chestnut brown hair color that I was always so proud of, proud of my hair and of its color. And I have for the most part of my life had long (waist length or longer) hair. The not so most part was during my teenage years, when it feels essential for one to try all sorts of styles; and I was a teenager in the eighties, so you can imagine!!! And recently during my pregnancy. OK wait a minute, let us not start on pregnancy, because this is a whole other issue, all you need to know for now is the part concerning my hair. To put it shortly and clearly, my hair during those months tend to act weird, getting darker, frizzier and thicker. Add to it the moods and other hormonal factors which eventually lead to me cutting my hair like, I don’t know how many times (Last pregnancy about 3 times). Now this number is very often for me, who usually has a trim every let us say 2 years. Yeah I know I told I have great hair.

So back to the point. Once upon a time, my hair was totally lovely. Recently I have noticed it lost its natural shine and lustrousness (is this a word?) I have been very unhappy with it and did not know what to do??? Till finally I realised maybe it is time for me to start colouring my hair. Something that I have never done before, not even in the weird teenage years. And then I started thinking I am actually having some gray hairs as well, so here you go more proof that the time has come. So being the modern woman that I am?? I went on an extensive internet search collecting information on the right brands and the right colors and the right methods, and I can assure you I became - in theory- an expert on hair color, with better knowledge than women who have been coloring their hair for decades, in theory that is.

So far I have colored my hair three times. All using non to semi-permanent hair coloring technologies!!! The first time I had a friend do it for me, god bless her soul, she offered to help and I accepted. The process was neat and I did not suffer much specially that she handled the rinsing bit as well. The second time however, I did it me self, I took the kit, and my tow children to my parents house, where someone can look after the children while I paint... Now this time it was not so pleasant, the applying part was ok but the rinsing was tiring. The third time, though I used a fairly very easy kit. The process was interrupted because there was no one to attend for the girls, so I had to run back and forth from the barroom. And when it got to the rinsing I spent a whole hour doing that do you believe a whole uninterrupted hour. I don’t know whether it was the choice of color (black) or what but a whole hour come one. And at the end it was not even black it was kind of reddish brownish black. So here you go in theory only. However while I was rinsing my long hair (almost waist length) I managed to spot the bathroom and now my bathroom walls have large purple stains all over and the shower curtain got a lovely pink tone. So maybe the coloring job was not so bad after all.

Oh God, the baby is at it again!!!

2005-11-28T05:53:00.000+03:00

This may not be the most agareeable start for this blog, but this is life as a relatively new mother. I plan one thing and the children see otherwise.

So I am the proud?! mother of two lovely(certainly) girls, 2 and 7 monts old. So you can understand who runs the show around the house. Everynight I used to go to bed with a one, two, three, etc... steps of the next day planned both in my head and in my FiloFax(or some other equally beautiful brand). But since I became a mother, I just go to bed!! that is if I am lucky.
If I am very fortunate, I manage to get some sleep while I am there!!!

So, today again my little angle (the 7 months old) was in one of her bad moods. So reading is out of the question, watching TV maybe, but can hardly hear anything, in case such as this whether your mothering instincts tell you to care for the child or not, you really have no option but to do so. I mean what else can you manage to do if some one is screeming their head off, the only thing you can do is to fulfill whatever it is they need. Or walk out the door, but I think as a loving mother, that is not an option. So here I am stuck again, at the mercy of my little angle. Which after a while it becomes two angles since the elder, not wanting to be left out of all the attention, decides to participate in the activities by becoming more demanding!!! But what can yo do, they are little, right? helpless little creatures that depend on you for the simplest things in life.

Days like this, the new policy I am adopting is to chill. So they need constant attention, care and so on, OK give it and be done. Play some music in your head, imagine that you are dancing, take it easy, Someone has to be the grown up around here and I guess it has to be me!!! And you know what you can turn everything into a game that everyone enjoys even the little angles.

And after all, they can't stay up forever. Sleep comes for us all. And hopefully I'll manage to get some today.